Fear of the Unknown
Posted by ali—April 11th, 2013

I was diagnosed when I was 32, and have been living with MS for 6 years.

I have managed my extreme fear of needles, my fatigue, my exacerbations and symptoms, but what I haven’t been able to manage is my fear of not knowing.

I have been so very lucky in so many ways, I still work FT, I still am able to walk and have no visible disability. In my head though, at night and when it’s quiet I am afraid of not knowing what life will be like physically when I am 45, or 55.

Recently, I saw a commercial for the MS Walk with a man in a wheelchair encouraging people to walk and I burst into tears. What if that is me and all of those moments when I say to myself, I will to that later won’t happen? I would be able to “deal” if I know what is ahead, but the fear of not knowing what will happen with walking, my bladder, my eyesight, etc. is worse than any reality. I can do a lot of damage in my own head. I turn to sights like this because I don’t talk about these things with anyone. I don’t like to make it any more real than it is.

I feel as though somehow writing it hear will release me from that fear, if that makes sense. I hope that communities like this allow us all to release our fears and work together to support each other with both the unknown and the known.

There is power in community and although many of us may not want to admit it, we are part of a community of people living with MS…

Stories posted on MultipleSclerosis.net solely represent the personal points of view, experiences and opinions of their authors.
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