Isn't that something that we hear a lot, “don’t give up”; “keep fighting”… and so many more. And when you think about it, what other option do we have? Yeah – we can just give up… but I’ve never been the kind of person to just surrender to a challenge.
But when you think about it more, who/what are we fighting? If you want to make it simple, we’re fighting ourselves, in a way.
Earlier on, when I had recently been diagnosed and I was suffering from a really bad relapse that put me in a wheelchair, I had people tell me to keep fighting… I would just nod when they said that, cause I felt defeated.
So when I had heard, keep fighting, one too many times, I broke down. I told them, “It’s hard to win at a fight, when you’re fighting yourself.”
I understand now, that it was meant to fight to get better from the relapse that disabled me to a chair. But I was very upset then and just didn’t know what to think about anything really.
I have people tell me that I’m strong and that I have a positive attitude towards my MS… but that’s not always true.
Just as an example, I’ve had a time where I thought that I’m doing really good… my MS is in remission, I haven’t had a relapse… I’m beating this MonSter. Then I had my annual MRI done… I received the results that while I was thinking that I was beating my MS down… that I had ‘at least 7 new lesions’… That honestly was a slap in my face.
So, I guess I’m confused at times… cause I can be feeling amazing… but that doesn’t mean that my MS isn’t progressing, regardless of the precautions I’m taking. And I don’t mean to say that, to bring others down… it’s just a feeling I had.
Now I’m thinking to myself, okay… I’m fighting as BEST as I can… what else can I do? My quality-of-life has improved and if my MRI does show new lesions, at least they didn’t set me back in life and put me back in a chair. So, while the news of new lesions isn’t a good thing, I’m just going to take it, as it could have been worse.
I’ve come to the realization that no one can predict the future… in any scenario. But I can sit here and say that I WILL NOT stop fighting, no matter what. Even though I’m battling my own body… My mind set is now stronger than it used to be.
So, here is a news flash, for myself, I’m not giving up… I’m not going to stop fighting.
Here is a song that I like to think is from me to my MS.
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