Learning to Let Go of My MS Fears

I love music and there are more than a handful of songs I feel like I can relate to, especially when it comes to MS. There is one in particular though that just hits me harder than others. It’s not by an artist I listen to super often, but her words really resonate with me and my MS story. The song is called, Learn To Let It Go, and it's by Kesha.

MS held me as a prisoner for too long

Every single one of the lyrics, which I’ve posted below, are incredibly relatable. I was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis as a teenager and it held me as a prisoner for far too long. It caused many years of bitterness. For too long I wore a “mask”, not letting anyone know what was going on behind my fake grin. I kept hiding, too, until one day it was all too much, and I broke down. One day I snapped, and it took a long time for me to turn my life back around! As Kesha says in the song, my s**t hit the fan. But, as I’ve learned along the way, you don’t have to to be a victim. This life isn’t fair, life with MS isn’t fair, but just because I’ve been dealt this card in life doesn’t mean I’m going to live any differently.

Practicing acceptance

In fact, I chose to live, even more, to take those chances and to quit letting fear hold me back. I’ve learned love and acceptance. My happy ending is up to me, and I want to make sure it’s a good one. So, I’ve got to learn to let it all go. I’ve let go of the past; I’ve let go of all that I held onto after diagnosis. I’ve let go of the paralyzing fear of what could be.

Refusing to let fear consume me

Of course, I still worry, but I no longer let those fears and worries consume me. MS was the boogieman under my bed for 12 years. It haunted me and drove me to insanity, but when I learned to face it, I learned true freedom. In the song, I love when she talks about the boogieman whispering things in her ear, telling her that it’s all her fault and 'no, you’re not that strong'.' I’ve written before about the lies that I feel MS has allowed me to believe about myself and those are some of them. It’s hard not to blame yourself for your bad health, and it’s hard to learn to believe that you’re stronger than MS is.

We are given the strength we need to make it through

Every day with MS can be a mental battle, but we have to learn to let it go. Learn to let it go to live our best lives. While I don’t necessarily believe there's a reason for everything, or there’s a perfect answer for why bad things happen, I do believe that we are given the strength we need to make it through the hard things we go through.

MS has taught me invaluable life lessons

While I couldn’t see it after diagnosis, I can now see many reasons as to why I went through hell and back, and how what I’ve been through has led me to the blessings that I have today. If I wouldn’t have gone through certain things, I wouldn’t have learned some really valuable life lessons. I wouldn’t have grown into the strong woman I have become. MS has been the greatest battle I have faced, but it made me into who I am.

Now it’s your turn: what songs speak to you when it comes to your MS journey?

XOXO, Calie

See the lyrics to the song that inspired this post here.

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