Living in My Bubble
Okay, what in the heck do I mean by that title, “Living in my Bubble”? Well it’s exactly that. I have this bubble that I like to be in, where I stay to myself and I don’t. I know it seems like I’m “Positive Polly” all the time or something, but I’m not like that 24/7. I think that most of us diagnosed with MS all deal with some sort of depression; at least I know I do. When I’m feeling down, I escape to my ‘bubble’ where I feel like nothing and no one can harm me.
I keep to myself
I have people tell me that they haven’t seen or heard from me in a while and I say that I’ve been really busy, which isn’t a lie. But at times, I just keep to myself. I don’t want to leave my bubble or have anyone ‘pop’ it by telling me something that might upset me (not saying this to intentionally upset me) but still. Bottom line is, I may look fine, I may act okay, but I still have my limitations. I can’t do everything that I used to be able to do. When I have to acknowledge that it’s very upsetting. I can only explain it as; I emotionally cut myself off from people that I would normally interact with. It’s nothing against them, but it hurts to see that they can do all these things with their family and friend (especially during the summer) that I just can’t. Those close to me will continuously ask me, “What’s wrong?” and I reply that nothing is wrong, because there really isn’t anything specifically wrong, I’m just in my little protective bubble where I just can’t and/or don’t want to deal with people in a social manner.
I’m a home-body
I’ve been called a ‘home-body’ way too many times to count and it’s true. Do I want to be at home 24/7, no. But what people don’t understand is that sometimes it’s easier for me to stay at home. Then I just get even more upset when it’s questioned, because I don’t want to have to sit there and rehash everything out loud that’s going through my head.
Do I want to take my kids to an amusement park all day long, yes! Can I? Well, that’s all up in the air on how I’m feeling that day, how hot it is outside. Will I be able to cool off if needed, everything I discussed in my blog, “It All Depends”. I understand that going to the lake or river seems very simple, because I can get in the water and cool off. But what isn’t understood is that just being out in the sun/heat in general wears me out, even if I’m in cool water.
It might seem selfish of me to just want to stay at home in my bubble, but there are emotions that come up within us after being diagnosed with MS that are hard to handle. It’s really hard to pick yourself back up and continue on, or as they say, “roll with the punches”… but what if the punches never let up? I’m not saying that I’m going to be in my little ‘bubble’ indefinitely, but it’s what I do for myself to just deal with everything that’s going on in life. I have found it’s better if I just deal with things the way I have learned to, rather than being pushed to get through it all.