A momma bear looking out a front door window with a sad expression on her face.

When Missing Out Hurts the Most

Living with an unpredictable disease like MS, you realize there will most likely be days where you have to cancel plans or miss out. You just hope it won’t happen to you. Well, the day I had been dreading finally came. I had to miss out on a fun day with my family due to my health. I’ve had to miss out on little things here and there before, but those things I felt like I could blow off. On this particular day, it was something I loved to do, and knowing I would have to miss out kind of knocked the air out of me. It wasn’t just missing out on small things, it was missing out on making memories with my son, which hurts the most.  I’m not normally a big crier either, but I cried I was so upset. I don’t care who you are: when you have to miss out on something that’s important to you, it hurts.

The pain of missing out with MS

At this time in my life, with an almost 4-year-old and triplets on the way, I know I have to do what is best for my health. There is no guarantee that taking the best care of myself right now will help me miss out less in the future due to MS, but I’m darn sure going to try. As much as it hurts to have to miss out, I would rather miss out on one day than overdo it and have to miss out for the next month. At least, that is how I rationalize it to myself so that the pain of missing out doesn’t sting as much. Regardless of whether you know you’re doing the right thing for you at the moment, it is still disappointing and painful to have to cancel something you’ve been looking forward to. I’m grateful to have a kind and understanding family. They knew I was not doing my best and even encouraged me to stay home and rest, but I know they were disappointed too.

Determined to be the best mom I can be

One of my biggest fears with MS as a mother is disappointing my children. I have been blessed to say that so far, I haven’t had to miss out on much when it comes to my son. I may have to sit down more or take breaks to rest, but I am thankful that I get to continue to do most of the things he loves with him. With triplets coming in just a few months, that fear has amplified, though. I do my best not to live in fear of the what-ifs, but if I’m honest, those fears are always there. I’m just better at suppressing them some days. I don’t want my children to be the one with the sick mommy who can’t do anything. No matter what though, I know my determination is strong and that will never kill my desire to be the best mom that I can be to them. I will push to be the best advocate for my health so that I can miss out less, and get out with them more. I never planned on having four kids; it was never on my radar. But God had other plans, and I just have to have faith that He knew what He was doing when He gave them to me! So, even if I have to miss out here and there, I’ll never miss out on giving them the best life possible.

XOXO, Calie

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