My Definition of ‘I’m Fine’
I know that most of you have said “I’m fine” in the past, when you really weren’t… you hear other MS’ers saying it, when you know they aren’t… It’s just something that I frequently say… and I’m going to try and ‘define’ on what it means when I say, “I’m fine”, when I’m really not.
Well for one, when I hear the statement, “I’m Fine”, it makes me think of this image I saw that I want to get in a tattoo… It shows the “I’m Fine” writing, and then you flip it over… and it reads “Save Me”.
What do I really mean when I say “I’m fine”?
So what do I mean, and maybe others with MS too… what does it mean when we say “I’m Fine”? Well for me, it just seems like it’s easier to say I’m fine, rather than explain everything that is wrong. Now that is not be being overly negative or exaggerating… because let me tell you, if I described to someone everything that was wrong, when it was happening, I would never stop talking. And I already talk a lot as it is (See I got jokes).
So why don’t we explain how we’re really feeling, when someone genuinely wants to know? Please don’t feel like I’m brushing you off by answering I’m fine, for starters. But to try and explain it… I already feel everything I’m going through because of my MS, I don’t want to have to describe it all the time. I explained this to one of my friends recently… and she sent this to me…
She basically stated that, this is what she feels it is like for me… just by seeing what I’ve gone through over the years. I can’t remember the last day where I went the WHOLE day without feeling any pain, or dealing with ANY symptoms. The only reprieve I get from the symptoms unfortunately is by medication to help treat my symptoms. But who wants to take medicine all the time? Not me… unlike what SOME people like to assume… that I am a pill popper. Which couldn’t be further from the truth.
So easily put, I answer with “I’m Fine” just so I don’t have to describe and listen to myself list off everything that is wrong. I don’t like to dwell on the things I cannot change, and I don’t like to be a downer, if you couldn’t tell from my heavily sarcastic posts in the past. But I do have my moments where I’m being blunt and honest, and I’m not looking for attention, or pity, I’m just explaining the facts.
Sometimes it’s just easier
Sometimes it’s easier to say I’m Fine, rather than explain what’s wrong… then have to explain in depth about each certain thing, because the person isn’t familiar with MS, the symptoms, etc. It’s tiring, and I’m already battling fatigue as it is.
So for the honest truth, that I myself don’t like to admit a whole lot… is that I say “I’m Fine” because it can be extremely depressing for me to sit there and think about everything that is wrong… I don’t want to think about it. Kind of like out of sight out of mind.. This is my ‘normal’ now… This is my everyday. You just grow accustomed to the things you cannot change and grow from it and move on and do the best you are able to do.
Did I even make any sense just now? Or am I just rambling? Oh well, you probably get what I mean.
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