Skip to Accessibility Tools Skip to Content Skip to Footer
My Emotions Are Broken...?

My Emotions Are Broken…?

Okay, so my emotions aren’t actually ‘broken’, but I feel that they don’t work… normally, if that makes sense. I have taken some time to really think about this, and look back at my reaction to certain things/situations. And I just feel that sometimes, I don’t respond with the right ‘emotion’ at the right time.

The “wrong” emotional reaction

For instance, if someone is mad at me… I don’t react the way I would have say … 10 years ago. I just seem to have no emotional response to the situation. And that can be a problem, cause then people think I don’t care about what they’re voicing to me, but that’s not it at all. There are times, that I feel the ‘right’ emotion, but I don’t show the emotion. It’s like my brain can’t compute how I’m feeling to really show through my actions/words.

I don’t know if this is just me, but it’s something that I wanted to bring up for a while now. And no, I’m not trying to ‘blame’ this on my MS… cause for the longest time I felt like something was just wrong with me… until I discussed with my doctor. He stated that MS could affect emotional behavior.

Now, let me just point out that my emotions aren’t always broken… but just at certain times it seems. And it’s not something that I can predict when it will happen. I’ve never been a very ‘emotional’ person to begin with, by the way. I had the mentality that crying was a show of weakness growing up, so I didn’t do it. But I then learned that it’s okay to be emotional, and it doesn’t make you weak.

My emotional response isn’t predictable

It’s just so weird… I will get in an argument with my husband (because no relationship is perfect) and there are times that I will show emotion during the argument and we hash it out, etc. But then there are the times that we argue, and I sit there, listening to what he is saying and it appears as if I’m ‘bored’, or not paying attention. And I can’t seem to get a hold of it to not make it seem that way. I have been able to repeat everything back to him that he said, and do it with no emotion, almost like I’m reading it off a script.

I guess I just come off with an attitude most the time of “I don’t care” when that’s not always the truth… I just get so frustrated with how my mind won’t let me compute my emotions then I get angry at myself, not the person or situation. It’s almost like being locked up and being held prisoner inside your own head. Same thing applies with the whole “broken brain filter” or “cog-fog” issue.

If you really think about it, MS is inside our nervous system, so we’re being held back from doing certain things, accomplishing certain tasks, etc. But no one is physically holding us back, or keeping us locked down. It’s our heads, nervous system, whatever you want to refer to it as.

There was this video that I saw a while ago that was made for MS Awareness, that I felt really fit what I’m talking about right now. I have included it below… Now, let me just say that the video is kind of scary for some, and doesn’t really sit well with some… but it’s just want I’m trying to communicate in regards to my thoughts, emotions, etc. literally being stuck and not able to communicate them properly.

“Trapped”

So, while I was looking for the video I posted above, I came across a series from MS Society of Australia called “Seeing MS”. This specific video is called “Seeing MS – EXPOSING THE INVISIBLE DISEASE”.

I’m definitely going to look into the whole series, but I always like sharing things I find online, and sharing them with my family and friends, and all of you.

That’s all for now. I hope everyone is having a wonderful New Year thus far.

xoxo

Ashley Ringstaff

(click on my name above for ways to reach me, etc.)

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The MultipleSclerosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Melonie R.
    1 year ago

    This is me without a doubt! For so long I’ve been trying to figure out why my emotional responses seem to go on vacation from time to time. It happens in both good and unpleasant situations but, it’s worse in the unpleasant. I’m sure some people think I just don’t care when in reality, I just can’t get my brain or body to react. My brain seems to need extra time to process the information and give the proper emotional response. I get so mad at myself for this but, I can’t do anything about it. I’ve always thought it might be connected to my MS, I’ve just never told anyone what I suspected. I really don’t want anyone telling me I’m using my MS as a crutch for other problems.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    1 year ago

    If they tell you you are using MS as a crutch, then they aren’t worth your time and effort in my opinion. We didn’t ask for this, we don’t want this, we don’t want a ‘crutch’. We want to live our lives. We want to be “normal” again and not have to deal with the symptoms and side effects, etc.

    I’ve been where you’re coming from and still deal with it at times. Someone tells me that something horrible happened to their loved one, and I don’t get sympathetic immediately, or show that I care and i’m remorseful.
    My brain is still processing what they said when people would ‘normally’ react. I tell others that “My mouse is spinning”, that i’m still processing.

    xoxo
    Ashley Ringstaff
    MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member/Moderator

  • Polifax
    2 years ago

    The only time in almost 19 years of having MS that my husband “intervened” for lack of a better work was because one time he was telling me about his horrible day… thought he was going to die had a panic attack …evidently I did not respond in an appropriate way (or at all really) and he called my Neuro and said he thought sobering was wrong. They casually sent me an appointment by postcard. More lesions was the docs explanation.

    I do think one factor to point out though is that over the years I’ve been on manyl different meds some that I would say have a type of zombie or flat affect. Mostly anti depressants. I wouldn’t feel depressed or panicked..but I would not feel joy either.

  • Josh
    2 years ago

    This is me. I’ve heard it said that, “[insert emotion] is a choice.” Sometimes it isn’t a choice for me.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    2 years ago

    Yeah, it’s very easy for others to judge being an outsider looking in… but they don’t experience what we do on a day to day basis, so they have NO idea…

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    2 years ago

    Very true.
    We are like beyond the normal situation/definition.

  • jensequitur
    3 years ago

    I’m the happy and proud parent of a 2 year old boy. Sometimes I wonder if my emotions are broken too. I laugh when things are funny, I cry when things are sad. But when something has gone wrong, I want to laugh about it. When my toddler cries and throws himself on the floor, my first impulse is to laugh at him. I feel like I’m not responding with appropriate emotions when he skins his knee. Aren’t I supposed to freak out and run into the house and bandage him up? I check to make sure he isn’t bleeding, and send him on his way. Sometimes I do feel like I’m numb or not reacting appropriately. I have this urge to giggle at the most inappropriate stuff.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    2 years ago

    Well at least I’m not alone at the laughing at the kids portion of it. But then again, my kids can be a bit overdramatic about things. It’s so frustrating and at times embarrassing, to not react the way you are ‘supposed’ to, but then again, I’ve never been ‘normal’ to begin with.

    xoxo

  • Nancy W
    3 years ago

    This is an interesting issue that came up for me last year. I felt something was wrong with my thinking. I was thinking depressing thoughts, like “poor me, I don’t have any friends” that I knew were not true. Yet, when a friend died, I couldn’t feel the sadness I would have expected. I was numb.

    I got a new family physician who sent me to a psychiatrist. Turns out I was on too much antidepressant medication. He changed and reduced the meds. Now, feeling bad emotions is not always pleasant but it is more appropriate.

    I noticed it in my relationship with my DH. One week I felt this overwhelming love that I had not experienced in a long time. The next week we had a fight and I cried for the first time in a long time. I knew I wasn’t just crying about the fight. I felt sad and it was a relief.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    2 years ago

    Nancy, I’m glad that you found some answers on what was going on with you. It’s so annoying , the side effects that the meds cause. It’s like you’re trying to band-aid the symptoms of your MS, but then the band aid you are using causes even more symptoms…

    xoxo

  • Matt Allen G
    3 years ago

    My emotions have definitely changed over the years after MS came into my life, specifically how I react to certain things. Sometimes I even wonder if I occasionally am dealing with PBA (Pseudobulbar Affect) because how I respond to a situation (emotionally) is so “random”. Like feeling the urge to laugh when I feel sad. But most the time I may feel extremely angry at something little or not bothered at all by something big. I have mostly figured this is just how I am now after all that I have been through, like yes, my emotions are just broken; they were used too much, wore out and broke down.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    2 years ago

    Matt, I can completely relate to everything you wrote. I do feel like that we have to deal with so many emotions that it’s just tiring and worn out. When I laugh at something, that you shouldn’t laugh at… it’s almost like a angry laugh, thinking to myself, “what next???!!”

  • Jbarksley
    3 years ago

    Ashley I think you might be suffering PBA, pseudo-bulbar affect, ask your Neurologist. It’s common for us MS warriors, but there is help available. 1 precsription, no shots and it actually seems to work.

  • Jorja
    2 years ago

    I don’t know how many events I have missed because I was afraid I would start crying, not dainty crying, but sobbing. I asked my neurologist about PBA, but he said No because I didn’t laugh and cry, just cry. But I saw a Therapist and he prescribed 1 little pink pill a night and I don’t even think about bursting into tears anymore. Such a relief.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    2 years ago

    Thanks for the info – I’ll ask him about it.

  • tfs
    3 years ago

    Ashley, this is very powerful. The Link ‘Trapped’ is very frightening, but I think it is worth the view. My, oh my, I am tired of this. I hope the ice wall melts. It is the feeling of being trapped and unheard that is terrifying. You heard though. Thank You.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    2 years ago

    Thanks for reaching out. I know the link is scary, but I just felt like for some, they could relate in certain ways.
    xoxo

  • @masbrautigam
    3 years ago

    Okay now it makes sense :/
    When i am tired it gets worse.
    Great read! 🙂 and love uour links to more info
    X

  • Poll