MS Has Made a Procrastinator Out of Me
The fatigue is real, you guys. I feel like this is something I write about a lot, but there are those days I seriously cannot get over how fatigued I am. I’m sick and tired of being tired!! Honestly, being tired is an understatement, I’m plum worn out. My fatigue has thankfully not been debilitating, per say, however there are more days than I would like to admit that it gets in my way. I’m a work from home, stay at home wife and momma to a toddler. I’m so grateful that I’m allowed the opportunity to work from home right now with the fatigue, but even then, some days I’m simply too tired to get what I need to do done. As we speak, I’m currently working on my online job, and writing this article. I like to write at least four articles for you guys every month, and sitting here I realize there are merely five short days left in July, and I’m only on my first article for the month! I write all of this to explain to you, that MS has made a procrastinator out of me.
I’ve always been the type of person that likes to have a plan. I like well thought out decisions and I’m not normally one to put things off until the last minute. For instance, if someone wants to do something the following weekend, I prefer to know by at least the Monday before so I can get all of my ducks in a row. But, lately, I’ve noticed that even I have let myself be the type of person to wait until the last minute. And, the reason I have become that way is because I’m too tired to be productive before it’s almost too late. I feel like out of the 365 days of the year, I am chronically fatigued at least 364. If you’ve read any of my previous articles, then you probably know that after having my son I began trying my hardest to be my healthiest and best self through a good, clean diet and exercise. But, I have to admit; even being proactive with my health through those measures isn’t a quick fix for this fatigue. Sadly, nothing is. I mostly struggle with lassitude. For those unfamiliar, lassitude is unique to those with Multiple Sclerosis. Here are a few facts about lassitude from nationalmssociety.org:
- It generally occurs on a daily basis
- May occur early in the morning, even after a restful night’s sleep
- Tends to worsen as the day progresses
- Tends to be aggravated by heat and humidity
- Comes on easily and suddenly
- Is generally more severe than normal fatigue
- Is more likely to interfere with daily responsibilities
When it hits, it hits hard
Out of all of my MS symptoms, the lassitude has hit me the hardest. It is the one symptom I deal with on a daily basis. I can go to sleep at a decent time and still wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck. This morning for instance, I woke up after a good 8 hours of sleep, but I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept a wink. I wake up wanting to cry, because all I want to do is sleep. On these days it generally takes me about thirty minutes to find the energy to even roll out of bed. My eyes are heavy and my eye lids feel like they are glued to my eye balls. I’m so tired, my brain can’t even tell my eyes properly to open because it’s time to wake up and face the day. Thankfully, I tend to gain a little bit of energy after breakfast, but it doesn’t take long before it hits me again in one strong wave. You know those videos of people being knocked down by the waves in the ocean? Yeah, it’s kind of like that. That first step in the ocean and you feel like you’re okay, but then the big waves come tumbling in and you don’t stand a chance. It’s this type of fatigue that has made me a procrastinator. When it hits, it hits hard. It’s almost a hopeless feeling, because you want so badly to continue being productive throughout the day, but this makes it extremely difficult. On the days it hits the hardest I have to let the daily tasks wait a little longer because I know I have to give my body the rest it needs in order to gain back any type of energy. And I do notice that if I’ve been in the heat too long it does tend to be more severe.
I don’t feel like I have the time to be as tired as I am, but unfortunately, that has become life for me. I have too many things to do, along with a busy little boy to keep me on my toes. I wake up so many days hoping and praying for an endless supply of energy, but to no avail the fatigue comes and the energy seems like a distant memory. I want to beg and plead; why do I have to feel this way?! But, most days I just keep trucking a long instead, because that’s what I have to do. I can’t always be young and valiant like I want, but I can keep pushing. Sometimes, that’s all we can do.