Showers of Blessings
Trying to practice effective and guilt-free parenting because I have to rear children who live with the repercussions of my disease, staying positive in spite of my circumstances, avoiding becoming bitter and despondent because I can only watch from the sidelines as others so easily do things that I used to be able - and loved - to do, trying to smile through it without raining on their parade when my parade is suffering under a tsunami, identifying new and creative ways to maintain a smidgen of independence with a disease hellbent and determined to snatch it all away one degrading piece at a time in a world where those around you have their own very independent lives that make it difficult to sacrifice pieces to share with you for one reason or another…
The thought of it all makes me go ARGHHHHHHH!!!
A constant battle
The constant battle to not only manage the 'symptom symptoms' of MS, but all of the 'stuff' that comes from said chronic disease can also be harshly challenging and send your emotions on a rollercoaster ride that isn't so amusing. And it just doesn't affect some times or some areas. Its effects are affected all the time in every area.
At all times, you're feeling some type of sensation, a pain somewhere, or thinking of a need you have or anticipating a need(s) you're going to have. You're thinking about how you or someone else will be able to satisfy or assist you in satisfying your needs. Wanting to go somewhere that you can't get to do or go on your own - or at all - so you're trying to figure out if you can make it happen… or how to just accept that it's not happening and move on without feeling defeated, discouraged or distressed.
A sigh of resolve
Fortunately, it's not each and every day that everything weighs so heavily that I simply want to scream...loudly. As I wrote in a previous article, "Some days, I'm frustrated. Some days, I'm disappointed. The worst days, I'm woeful. But most days, I'm ok." However, recently, I endured a season when I was not ok. It wasn't easy, but I managed to, once again, progress through the ARGHHHHHHH!!! stage to a Wooosahhh and then finally, the Sighhhhh of resolve.
Giving credit to my faith
Everyone needs 'something' while dealing with adversity, and meandering through my journey whilst maintaining hope and optimism, I credit to my faith. This storm was no different, and it is my belief that a dream I had around the time of this recent ARGHHHHHHH period was very timely.
An impactful dream
My house had been damaged and required extensive repair. Once it was completed, of course, I was relieved, but even more so pleased that not only did everything appear to be decent and in order, but also, the house looked great. I was happy. A couple of nights later, I dreamed of a rainy day, but the "tee-hee" was that it was also raining inside of the house! All throughout, just rain. In said dream, I thought "Oh no...something else to be concerned about, to take care of! These contractors…ugh! It's just always something! ARGHHHHHHH!" When I awoke, I told my home health aide, also a woman of God and my sister in Christ about my dream.
The rain was a shower of blessings
She exclaimed, "Di, that rain? That represents showers...showers of blessings!" I received that interpretation by faith and awaited what might be coming my way. What came my way was that recalling my many blessings helped me climb out of the aforementioned difficult season I have been referring to. That in spite of my challenges, I am blessed with my life, children, home, good sense, family, friends, health insurance, the ability to do some things that I enjoy and even still find enjoyment in them, the ability to encourage others, that I can recognize when I am in a dark place and able to create tools to bring me back to the light of hope, positivity and optimism, my faith… I could go on and on. It is my belief that I had that dream to remind me to focus on my blessings and nothing less.
Reflecting on my blessings
While taking a moment to Wooosahhh, I could reflect on my showers of blessings. And then I could remember God's word that tells me that
- I can do all things through Christ and
- No weapon formed against me shall prosper
And only then, could I **Sighhhhh** in resolve and move on.
How many specialists did you see before finding "The One"?