The Big Unknown
Actually, that's not strictly true. I didn't lose my job - I didn't quit and I didn't get fired. How did Gwynnie and Chris put it? Oh yes, that's it. My employer and I have consciously uncoupled. Well, however you cut it, I am - as an actor might say - between jobs. For the first time in over twenty years.
And it genuinely feels okay.
I spent all of last year having my work scrutinized, despite the fact that I'd been in a management position for 9 years. The work I was doing hadn't changed much in all those years but the culture - both at my organization and nationally (globally?) - had altered massively. And suddenly it just wasn't good enough.
Trying hard to make it work at work
Despite my paranoid thoughts, I genuinely don't think this was anything to do with my disability - although they did get an occupational therapist in to make sure that wasn’t the case. But ironically the whole process had the effect of making me pretty ill. Being a conscientious kind of guy, I knuckled down and tried my best to make things right. So I spent nine months working really long hours, weekends, holidays (and I've never done that before). Home life suffered and I was a pretty crappy husband and father as I tried to keep it all together with my role as The Great Provider. The fact that I didn't have a relapse, and my family is healthy and safe, were the only positives from last year.
After having another draft of a strategy document rejected (in a format which had been perfectly acceptable in previous years), it got to the point when, with the support of my family, I just had to say enough. Now I'm dealing with the reality of applying for jobs with a chronic illness. People shouldn't discriminate against me because of it. Indeed, there are laws against it. But y'know what? People can and some of them will.
And that's cool, because I don't want to work for those people.
Which is all well and good until the money starts to run out! Wish us luck.
How well do people around you understand MS?