The Big Unknown
Actually, that's not strictly true. I didn't lose my job - I didn't quit and I didn't get fired. How did Gwynnie and Chris put it? Oh yes, that's it. My employer and I have consciously uncoupled. Well, however you cut it, I am - as an actor might say - between jobs. For the first time in over twenty years.
And it genuinely feels okay.
I spent all of last year having my work scrutinized, despite the fact that I'd been in a management position for 9 years. The work I was doing hadn't changed much in all those years but the culture - both at my organization and nationally (globally?) - had altered massively. And suddenly it just wasn't good enough.
Trying hard to make it work at work
Despite my paranoid thoughts, I genuinely don't think this was anything to do with my disability - although they did get an occupational therapist in to make sure that wasn’t the case. But ironically the whole process had the effect of making me pretty ill. Being a conscientious kind of guy, I knuckled down and tried my best to make things right. So I spent nine months working really long hours, weekends, holidays (and I've never done that before). Home life suffered and I was a pretty crappy husband and father as I tried to keep it all together with my role as The Great Provider. The fact that I didn't have a relapse, and my family is healthy and safe, were the only positives from last year.
After having another draft of a strategy document rejected (in a format which had been perfectly acceptable in previous years), it got to the point when, with the support of my family, I just had to say enough. Now I'm dealing with the reality of applying for jobs with a chronic illness. People shouldn't discriminate against me because of it. Indeed, there are laws against it. But y'know what? People can and some of them will.
And that's cool, because I don't want to work for those people.
Which is all well and good until the money starts to run out! Wish us luck.
How do you feel before getting an MRI done?