The Big Unknown

It’s been quite a while since I wrote anything here – where SHALL I begin?

2016 was a year which personally started off positively, got bogged down in the middle and ended with me losing my job.

Actually, that’s not strictly true. I didn’t lose my job – I didn’t quit and I didn’t get fired. How did Gwynnie and Chris put it? Oh yes, that’s it. My employer and I have consciously uncoupled. Well, however you cut it, I am – as an actor might say – between jobs. For the first time in over twenty years.

And it genuinely feels okay.

I spent all of last year having my work scrutinized, despite the fact that I’d been in a management position for 9 years. The work I was doing hadn’t changed much in all those years but the culture – both at my organization and nationally (globally?) – had altered massively. And suddenly it just wasn’t good enough.

Trying hard to make it work at work

Despite my paranoid thoughts, I genuinely don’t think this was anything to do with my disability – although they did get an occupational therapist in to make sure that wasn’t the case. But ironically the whole process had the effect of making me pretty ill. Being a conscientious kind of guy, I knuckled down and tried my best to make things right. So I spent nine months working really long hours, weekends, holidays (and I’ve never done that before). Home life suffered and I was a pretty crappy husband and father as I tried to keep it all together with my role as The Great Provider. The fact that I didn’t have a relapse, and my family is healthy and safe, were the only positives from last year.

After having another draft of a strategy document rejected (in a format which had been perfectly acceptable in previous years), it got to the point when, with the support of my family, I just had to say enough. Now I’m dealing with the reality of applying for jobs with a chronic illness. People shouldn’t discriminate against me because of it. Indeed, there are laws against it. But y’know what? People can and some of them will.

And that’s cool, because I don’t want to work for those people.

Which is all well and good until the money starts to run out! Wish us luck.

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