When I'm Down
Are there ever times where you are just in a mood? Or maybe what someone would consider a “funk”? I seem to go through certain ‘episodes’ where I’m just in a mood, but there isn’t really anything that put me in that mood. Nothing caused it; I’m just not myself.
I’m not meaning that I’m in an angry mood, or upset and voicing it. More like, I’m just quiet, not ‘myself’, and I seem sad, but I’m not. It’s really hard to explain, but I never really had these ‘moments’ until a while after I was diagnosed.
I sometimes don’t even realize that I’m acting different, or that it’s noticeable that my mood has changed. It almost feels like sometimes I’m on the outside looking in, watching what is going on, but not understanding why.
So if you have gone through this, you aren’t alone, trust me. I found a quote that I really like. “That feeling when you’re not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty.” – Unknown
I guess describing the feeling, as being ‘empty’, is the best way to explain it. Because there just isn’t any big emotion that is winning out on how you’re feeling.
When I get like this or if I have someone point this out to me, it will take me some time to digest what is going on… and try to figure out how to get back to ‘normal’… or whatever normal might be.
I tend to write, like I’m doing now. Trying to vent out my frustration on the situation. Because I have no control over why I’m feeling this way. I am not trying to push anyone away or ignore him or her. I guess when you go through so much like we do, living with Multiple Sclerosis, your brain just needs a time-out. Am I making any sense? If you haven’t dealt with this before, kudos to you! You don’t wanna go through this feeling, trust me.
There is also that saying, “Laughter is the BEST medicine,” well that’s true in my case. I will sit down and start looking online for something to make me laugh. Usually that ends up with me watching America’s Funniest Home Videos, Ridiculousness, or just searching on YouTube for funny animals, funny kids, etc. Believe it or not, it works.
It’s not something that helps immediately and magically… if only, right? But it slowly but surely starts to change my attitude… my mood, how active I am in my communication and more. Once I’ve started the cycle of getting my mind ‘back in the game’… I try to find things that will keep me active and not falling back in to my lonely/silent mood.
I love playing video games, for one, so that keeps me busy. I volunteer and enjoy doing Patient Advocacy. You would be surprised by what difference you can make in the MS Community, by just sharing your story, thoughts, opinion, etc.
So I guess what it all boils down to, is to know that you aren’t alone in how you are feeling. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Just because you are in a mood, or your brain has just had too much and it needs a breather, doesn’t mean that it will be like that permanently.
I have gone and talked to my Primary Care in the past, as well as my neurologist, to let them know about my moods. I want them to be in the ‘know’ about what’s going on, just in case it gets to be too much, we can handle the situation with therapy and/or medication.
Letting others know that you are having issues emotionally or you aren’t feeling yourself, etc. is not a sign of weakness, or that there is something ‘wrong’ with you. It takes strength to admit these things out loud, not just to others, but acknowledging it on your own takes a lot of strength and courage.
I’m not on medication on a daily basis for these issues, but I do have something if it’s ever needed, or if I get way too overwhelmed.
Anyways, that’s enough from me right now. Everyone take care and know that you aren’t alone and you never will be.
“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.” – Ernest Hemingway
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