Finding Inspiration Again

Well, first off i dont use correct grammar or punctuation because its to much of a bother to me…yet i hate spelling mistakes but whos perfect right?

i have been living with ms for longer than without… when i was whole i was athletic, outgoing, happygolucky (< new word), i played guitar, worked on cars, was always out doing something (or nothing but still out). i first remember symptoms at age 15, i was skate boarding and my left hand went cold and numb but being young i pushed on and it went away. at 19ish i dove after a baseball and my left arm went numb and cold below the elbow. by this time i was a guitar player and with a dead fretting hand that love was in jeopardy, i took action quickly by going to my local chiropractor. he informed me that i had pinched a nerve in my shoulder and that i would need maintenance (by him obviously)but after 3 months there was no improvement so i decided to see a neurologist. after a years worth of tests i was finally diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (which my grandfather had) after an mri scan.

Being young and resilient, i put it in the back of my head and forged on. i taught myself to play guitar again (though a more substandard player), i met and married a beautiful woman and had 4 children with her, and was forging a career in high performance automotive engines when the ms struck me hard. i lost the ability to walk and worse (to me anyhow)play guitar. i went in to a 10 year funk of depression and self loathing, i started smoking pot heavily and closed my self off from family and the outside.

At the 9 year mark of my funk my 14 year old son expressed an interest in playing the guitar (this woke something up inside me). my wife and i started him in lessons and i started becoming more social (yet still somewhat of a tyrannosaurus asshole). after 8 months of my son taking lessons i had an idea, i could tune the guitar to an open chord and simply bar a single fret with my one good finger…by moving my finger to different frets i could make music! holding the pic was not an option so i glued a flimsy pick to a thumb pick that you slip on your thumb and i was strumming like a beginner (better than nothing).

It has now been 3 months since my new found inspiration started and i am writing AND recording my songs on the laptop. i have recorded 14 rock based songs so far dealing with various topics (my favorite is my disdain for ms)and published them to youtube. i understand now that all it takes is a spark AND determination to start getting a life worth living (family aside, im talking a personal life). always search for that spark but its never found living in the dark away from people…only fear and loathing are found there. i have also kicked my 10 year pot habbit (to the joy of my wife)…remember anything is possible.

For those interested, my music can be found here (i do everything except drums):

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZNg9c01T3-0qLy79ziBXYQ/featured?view_as=public

https://soundcloud.com/steve-leitner/tracks

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