I wonder, “why me”?

So when I was 14 years old, a freshman in high school I something told me there was something different about me, but I didn’t know what that “something” was. The summer before my freshman year that was when my mom told me and my sister that we no longer had a home to live in and that information immediately broke me down.

My mom was extremely private about how much money she made so my sister and I had no idea that we were that broke. After she told us that we had to move out of our old home and move into a shelter I would cry all the time as if my tears were being pressed on a repeat button for days and I was stressed out all the time.

My first sign of noticing a change with my health and well being was when I couldn’t really see out of my right eye and I was getting constant headaches. From there, things just kept getting worse. If you can think of almost any MS medication under the sun; I tried it and it didn’t work. I was starting to think that something was wrong with me as a person because I had no idea what was going on.


I taught myself how to work numerous times after each relapse and on top of that I had lesions on the vegas nerve. That nerve tells you when to vomit so I lost so much weight because of that.

The main thing that really got to me about MS was the judgement from others at first. In the beginning people would stare at me because of the way I walked because I look intoxicated. I was always absent in high school or sleeping because I was in the hospital or sleeping in the nurses office.

Now, I’m in college and things got worse with professors and my health. I’m a nursing major and they would purposely take me out of class because they treated more like a patient than a student. They would always say, “You don’t look to good to today”, “I’ll walk you back to your dorm”, “take the exam another day”. That last quote was the only one I liked (hahaha):). Sometimes they would say some mean things too, but I don’t want to bring up the rude stuff.

This recent summer was where I noticed that my MS is not just for me; it’s teaching other people as well. Especially my mom; at first she was mad at me about my health because she felt like I didn’t know how to control my anxiety or stress, but she causes some of that stress at times.

Overall, MS taught me to be happy with myself, ignore the ignorant, be confident with myself and be optimistic. I refuse to see to the bad in any situation now. I’m positive for the most part now and I feel like I know my purpose in life.

I’m not on this site to talk down on MS or my mom even though she gets on my nerves at times, but to release my thoughts to people who understand.

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