Less is more…unless you’re me

Choosing to do less is hard. I am a chronic underachieving overachiever though so hopefully by cutting back I will do less but do it better. It is a struggle to accept that I can’t do everything. Having MS is a very humbling experience. I am a good nurse, a good mom, a good student, a good friend, a good Samaritan but when I insist on pushing myself to do more, I end up being bad at all of them. These are the years that I am supposed to be thriving. Successful in my career, furthering my education, watching girls bloom and taking delight in the wonder of parenting a 2 year old. For me, to do all of that and to do it all well means doing it slower, asking for help, and even just doing less of something and accepting my limits. My parents, my mom in particular always said you can be what ever you want to be, to go and do it all. I want to do it all. I have an unending curiosity and desire to know and learn and do more. I go to school for me. I work in the emergency department because I love it. I tutor undergrad nursing students because I empathize and thoroughly enjoy it. My mom told me to be selfish and what she meant was to do kind things for myself. To me, all of those things are selfish because they are for me. To continue to be successful I have to accept that I can’t do it all, and I can’t be whatever I want to be. I am struggling with the kindness to self part in that it is hard to find kindess, forgiveness, and generosity for myself when I have to accept these newly understood limitations. Maybe it’s being 35, maybe it’s MS or both. Growing up I never realized I had limitations. My perspective has has changed. Do less, do it better, be content.

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