Kix Peace MS Story

The real start of my Ms was October 24 2011, 6 day’s before my only 29 bday, my golden bday, I woke up that Monday morning with a blurry eye thought i had makeup. At that time i was an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay, Tuesday woke up couldn’t see out of the top of my right eye thought i was going blind, really freaked me out. So I called my father in law and he brought me to eye doctor they made every test and said it was something behind my eye send me for an MRI next day go to a very rude doctor, whom tells me i have multiple lesions on my brain and acute optic neuritis, “YOU HAVE MS” ????????????

So I ask “what does that mean, what is MS?” She briefly describes MS and tells me it is a disease I will have for the rest of my life and that i need to go straight to the hospital and get an iv steroids because my brain is swollen… at that point I’m freaking out crying my Father in law is talking to her and i say “THAT IS A SHITY GOLDEN BDAY PRESENT! That’s bad news” and she said “no bad news would be Cancer.”

I WAS SO MAD AND SCARED AND UPSET. So then i spent the next day at the hospital including my bday, slowly my eye improved, it still has good and bad days sometimes everything is fuzzy and blurry sometimes it’s tolorable, it always feels like there is something on my eye ball… i can’t drive at night since. I had to stop Mary Kay due to the optic issues and it was a bit overwhelming.

I went for a lumbar puncture the Monday before Christmas followed by the most excruciating headache that only was tolerable when i played flat for a whole week, needless to say i believe in Santa. I kept saying all i want for Christmas is my head not to hurt, maybe the vodka on Christmas eve at my inlaws helped, but Christmas morning the pain was gone. I was officially diagnosed in March 2012 i was put on COPAXONE, elevil, i was already prescribed to hydrocodone, and xanax. I haven’t taken the COPAXONE in almost 4 months. I have been having issues with Medicaid, they sent me a letter stating that the were nolonger covering it because they don’t know how valuable it is that i do the injections everyday or something bs well sorry i can’t afford 5,000$ a month so i just can’t take it.

I have smoked marijuana for a long time and I’m not ashamed to say it helps me better than anything else. It helps with the numbness pain in my arms and hands and legs and feet and butt, the burning numbness if i set down for any amount of time …. it helps with the anxiety better than xanax, helps with the depression i hide from everyone, I’m not always depressed sometimes it feels that way though, i don’t really eat because of my teeth, i have smoked 6 broken ones right now just since the MS started 1 1/2 years ago i have broken 8 teeth, 3 of them molars had 1 pulled and another tooth pulled , i have broken 2 crowns on my second to last molars to eat on finally raised the money to get the other molar pulled, then i have to pray the rest don’t break even worse before i find the money to get them fixed or pulled, yet no one believes me when i say there has to be a connection between my crumbling teeth and the MS, it’s just not normal. I have lost 25 pounds since i was invaded by MS. I am 30 yrs old and weigh 123.3 pounds and I’m 5″3. I do workout and exercise everyday and drink a pot of coffee all day i can only eat soft food.

I am a published Poetry writer, i have been writing since i was invaded 12, I’m published in 6 books nationally and one international. Writing is the best way to feel how ever i feel. I pick up the pen and it just flows out. My biggest fear, living with MS is losing my thoughts.

I have a wonderful husband we have been together for the 13 years this past January and we have a wonderful husband 3yr old boy, Logan. He has really been my rock finding out all he can about this invader. I don’t think he truly understands but he tries, I know I can be difficult. My family has been together with me through it all, my twin sister, my best friend is a big help emotionally because she truly understands me we’re twins. And my big sister’s two and my main strength is my Daddy. My Mommy passed away Nov 3 2008 in my arm’s and that has been my biggest missing piece and makes it so much harder. I have really bad panic attacks and anxiety, my feet and hands have been going numb for almost 6 years, the first time my foot went completly numb is the week i got married, and my right hand down the side and worse the whole right side of my pinky has been complete numb for 5 yrs, i’ve never gotten feeling back in it.

But despite everything this INVADER MS DEALS ME, MS WON’T BEAT ME.

KIX PEACE

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