Possibly Have MS But No Official Diagnosis Yet… I’m Scared

I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis when I was around thirteen possibly a year or two younger, I’m now twenty years old. I had a sudden high fever as well as body aches with severe back pains, and weakness back in December 2017 or so. I was hospitalized and the doctors couldn’t find out what was wrong with me they thought I had a virus and ran a whole panel on me and also did an MRI on my spine to see if there was anything causing my pain but it came back clean. They gave me some painkillers and sent me on my way with “you probably have a virus or an autoimmune disease but we don’t know”.

Ever since then I have been having constant symptoms that have been sending me in and out of the doctor or hospital. Some of my symptoms include headaches but mostly on the right side of my head only around my temple, forehead, and behind my eye. Parts of my body will go numb very easily if I lean on a table and put pressure on my arm to reach for something within those ten seconds my arm will go numb and limp. Sometimes my butt will even go numb just by sitting on it, something weird is that my body skips the pins and needles feeling and goes to straight dead weight numb. I get this anywhere on my body mostly on my arms, legs, and hands. I have TERRIBLE memory. I forget so many things and actually lost my last job because of my performance because I was forgetting everything and always behind.

My speech is also slightly slurred and I zone out sometimes while speaking or doing anything in general. Sometimes when I zone out it’s my entire consciousness. I don’t hear anything I just stare straight ahead and I’m not aware these severe zones only happen occasionally though. I have bad balance and I’m constantly dropping things even lightweight things like a pencil. One of my symptoms that really bothers me is that every single day I have joint aches and pains especially in my shoulders, elbows, and knees. When I walk up stairs my knees hurt so bad I have to take one step at a time and going up one flight of stairs makes my heart beat so hard and palpitate and I’ll get dizzy. My joints are also rigid when they move and when I put a lot of pressure on my legs like I’m carrying something my knees start to vibrate almost and feel like they’re going to give out. I get this feeling going down stairs too. Every day I have lightheadedness and my vision isn’t blurry, but I do get black specks in my vision. I’m always thinking I see a roach or fly around me but its just my eyes. I also have very hard time falling asleep and I will sleep for twelve hours and still wake up tired and ill wake up swollen and stiff. I’ve been to doctors and told them these symptoms and three doctors told me they think it was MS.

At first I was like what the H is MS? I googled it and became scared and basically sad for myself because I’ve already been suffering with gastroparesis which is also chronic and has no definitive cure. It affects me so much every single day. I had an appointment with a neurologist but I ended up having to cancel the appointment because when I lost my job I lost my insurance. So I have never seen a neurologist just emergency room doctors and family doctors. I’m really afraid what is causing these symptoms. I’m not sure what has caused all of these problems to start on me but my gastroparesis was diagnosed a year after I had unknowingly ate moldy food from a pizza place and the doctors believed there may have been mold or worms/parasites from flies or something that basically poisoned me. I feel sick every single day but the intensity varies. After I lost my previous job about two months ago I have been feeling really insecure about myself to find another job. At my previous job I was constantly getting in “trouble” or being talked to because I was constantly messing up which is definitely not me at all.

My first job ever was at a pet store and I was top partner for a year straight. I’ve got my mother’s hard work ethic and my previous job was reception… It was so easy but I couldn’t focus properly. My previous job was also very very stressful which I feel like did not help my symptoms I already had before working there and made them flare almost. I haven’t been working these past two months which makes me feel really at ease because when I don’t feel good I can stop what I’m doing and just lay down and take a break. But, I feel so unproductive and now I’m struggling with money. I’ve thought about applying for disability but I need the diagnosis first and I’m not sure how long thats going to take. My boyfriend always complains about how sensitive I am. I bruise very easily and any hard touch hurts so much and the pain lingers. Bending down to pick up a shirt makes me so dizzy and my heart start to palpitate I have to sit or lay down. I feel like I’m almost worthless and not satisfied with my life. I was already struggling with the daily nausea and abdominal pains and strict diet I have with gastroparesis and now more things just keep piling up. What makes me really sad is people don’t understand how I feel because I look completely fine but I feel so so crappy. My friends and even family members always tell me stuff like “you’re just being lazy just take some vitamins and find a job” or that I’m just being a hypochondirac… Im sorry this post is so long I just need someone to talk to that is going through something similar. Thank you for reading.

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