Thief

Me: I wish to report a robbery.

Police Dispatch: when did it occur indeed you have any identification of the robber?

Me: It started 25 years ago. The thief was neither male nor female.

Police dispatch: I’m not quite sure I understand it happened many years ago yet you are just now bringing it to our attention. I will dispatch a police officer that may be able to understand the robbery and respond accordingly.

Police Officer: I received notice from dispatch that you were robbed. Could you give me more details that can help apprehend thief. When did the robbery occur and what was stolen?

Me: It occurred or rather it started 25 years ago. What was stolen happened over time. This thief stole my vision, penmanship, ability to type, my balance, even my ability to walk.

Police officer: You claimed to dispatch that it was neither a male nor female yet it was able to steal from you. May we describe, for the purpose of this interview as it? Does it have a name?

Me: It has an infamous name, MS.

Police officer: I’m not certain that I understand it has a name MS? Do you know what MS stands for?

Me: MS stands for multiple sclerosis. This thief is sadistic, unpredictable and unstoppable.

Police officer: Why did you wait 25 years to seek help?

Me: I did not wait 25 years. In fact, I have attempted during that time to stop it from stealing more from me.

Police officer: What have you done to confront this thief?

Me: I have continued exercising, I walk when I am able, eat healthy food, etc. I have tried numerous medications to slow and prevent further stealing of this MS. The medications I tried have either been ineffective or the cause of side effects.

Police officer: You mentioned medication. Is this it a drug addict?

Me: It causes me to foolishly attempt the latest “miracle cures” to combat its thievery. I am not a drug addict yet I am frustrated with claims of cures.

Police officer: Have you done anything else to guard yourself against this thief?

Me: I’ve made changes to my house. For example, I’ve lowered the cabinets, lowered the shelving, installed grab bars, widen doorways, stalled motion detection lighting, and emphasized the contrast in colors. Furthermore, I have used assisted devices to walk even for extremely short distances.

Police officer: [pause] It sounds as if you made changes to make your life normal. It does not sound as if this MS has stolen from you.

Me: seriously? [pause] You lose your ability to for example walk and tell me that again without sarcasm that I can now live normally...

Police officer: [pause] I get it. This MS is a thief.