I hate that I wake up so tired sometimes that I can’t do more than just the basics to survive my day. I got up and dressed today and put on my make-up. But I didn’t shower or wash my hair. I got my kids up and ready for school and I fixed breakfast (had the table set last night) – cereal. I got my daughter off to school and then brought my son home. I intended to do some housework but it just never materialized. I made a phone call for my husband who is out of town, I did a little research on estate planning options for my sister, I DID actually go through my daughter’s closet and weeded some clothes out of it that are too small for her, got the mail, fixed lunch, picked my daughter up from school, fixed dinner, got the kids to bed and that’s about it. And it’s 9pm now and I’m ready to go to bed. I had so many things I wanted to accomplish but I didn’t get any of it done. I hate feeling so lazy and yet I just can’t get my body to cooperate sometimes. I just feel like I’m walking through play doh sometimes.
Okay, that’s my end-of-a-hard-day vent. Time to get some sleep and hopefully get a little energy back – I have to do the grocery shopping tomorrow – yikes!
I was diagnosed in December and what you talk about is probably my most frustrating symptom. At 46 I’ve always been active and am a homeschooling mom to 2 teenage boys. Every day I wake up with a list in my head or on paper of things I want to accomplish. Some days I get through many of the things, and other days I get out of the shower and wish I could just go back to bed. “walking through play doh” is a great analogy!!!
Love your analogy of feeling like a slug, how true that statement is most days. I am 46 years old but I feel like I am nearing my eighties. I was dx’d when I was 19 and never imagined the fatigue that would eventually take over my body. When I was dx’d there was no goggling of symptoms, the first MS drug hadn’t even hit the market; all the information I had to go on was basically my dr saying he doubted if I would still be walking when I was 30, and he gave me some printed photocopies from his medical journals about the main symptoms of MS and told me I could use different encyclopedias to maybe find some different information. No where in all of my research did I learn about the “MS fatigue” or the pain one could experience. I still see the same neurologist and he jokes about how he was pretty much just starting out when I came to him at 18 and that we kinda learned about MS together.
I suffered a major relapse in Dec of 2008 and it was at that time I wa forced to quit my job. I had literally pushed my body into a state of utter exhaustion and the stress triggered the relapse. At the time, I was working a very high stress job as a mental health therapist for a mobile crisis team where I went to where ever the suicidal/homocidal, severally depressed, bi-polar, schizophrenic, drug or alcohol abuser, you name it, I met the client where they were. I was working 55-60 hrs a week, I was also going back to school full time in the evenings working on an additional masters degree, I had a husband and two boys at home, ages 15 & 7 who were both involved with sports and I thought I was SUPERWOMAN. There were a few signs telling me to slowdown but I was just trying to make it through exams and I would rest over Christmas break. Well, when I didn’t slow down, my body took over and showed me who was boss and it completely shutdown. I couldn’t feel my R side, most of my vision was gone in my R eye, my speech was slurred and slow, with what words I could remember. I’ve never been able to go back to work and it seems that the relapses come much more frequently and I don’t recover like I use to. But the FATIGUE… I go days and only manage to get to the commode, the sink and back to bed. It’s like a 1000lbs are pressing me down. NO ONE understands the fatigue or the pain that I experience on a daily basis. It’s so frustrating because there are so many things I want to do and they never get done. My oldest son is now on his own and lives about 4-5 hrs away, my youngest is 15 and my illness has really taken a real toll on him. He feels like he should be the care giver and it was so bad in April he tried to take his own life because he felt so responsible for me, he also was/is very angry at the MS for taking his NORMAL mama from him, he wants our home/family to be like all his friends, we are working very hard with a therapist to teach him that normal looks different in all settings, my husband has a very demanding high stress job but he does what he can to take things off of me but over the past few months I can feel the bond between us slowly slipping away because he’s feeling more like a caretaker than a husband and I’m always a slug, too tired to shower and wash my hair for days. And when I have a good day, I kill myself trying to get everything done and the cycle starts all over again. I wouldn’t wish this disease on my worst enemy but I would like for a few ppl to walk in my shoes for just an hour or two and see how they would handle life.
DarlaKaye, Look at how much you did get done! You seemed to have accomplished a lot, and the most important job in the world! You took care of your children, fed them, put them to bed, and I bet there was a fair amount of love in there too! You also made time to do a chore for both your husband and your sister! How generous you are! So what if you didn’t do any house work. I bet you did the dishes and made the beds. And you say you set the breakfast table the night before. You may feel like a slug and I know you are very, very frustrated by the limitations and exhaustion ms causes. Believe me, I know this struggle. Take a small notebook around with you and jot down what you do accomplish, include hugs, and I’m sure you will feel better about yourself. For me I had to make huge changes in my mind set about my house keeping. And still, when I go to my sister’s house, I have to give myself a talking to, reminding myself she doesn’t have ms!