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Keeping Courage

  • By DillieHutch

    I know from experience how hard it is to stay positive with MS. I had never heard of multiple sclerosis until my oldest sister was diagnosed 14 years ago; I was twelve and was terrified of losing my sister. After finding out what MS was it still confused me back then. I know she’s struggled with her symptoms but still keeps fighting. Ten years ago my mother was also diagnosed with MS. Even though both my sister and mother are fighting MS, they have different symptoms. It was a shock to my family that both my sister and mother were diagnosed with MS but wouldn’t be the last shock we would get. Six years ago I was diagnosed with MS. This is where my story with battling MS begins.
    I can still remember the day I knew something was wrong. It was May 14th and I was helping my dad try to fix my car when I noticed I couldn’t see right out of my right eye. It was completely terrifying to me when all I could see out of my right eye was just a blur of color when looking out of it. The sky was blue with clouds but all I saw when looking just with my right eye was a blue blur. This turned out to be optic neritous, not sure I spelled it right. I went to my eye doctor who told me that I had optic neritous and she sent me to another eye doctor who knew more about it. The second eye doctor is the one who told me that I had MS and told me that I needed to have an MRI. At that my courage started to falter, I was twenty and in my last year of college… and scared of what the MRI would show. I was officially told I had MS in June of 2012 just hours before I was to walk across the stage to accept my Associates degree. It took every ounce of courage I had to walk across that stage with a smile and not let on that I was scared for what my future held.
    It takes courage to fight MS and I won’t lie I was numb and a little in shock for a month after the diagnosis. Finding a neurologist and figuring out what treatment course to take seemed overwhelming. I took courage in that I wasn’t alone and had my sister and mother to talk to about different treatments for MS. As I was starting to come out of my shock I started to get angry and when I can’t keep it bottled ( the frustration, fear, & stress) I tend to write poetry. I have thought for a long time about sharing the poem I wrote about MS and I think after almost six years it’s time for me to share it with anyone who stumbles upon this.

    ‘MS- Magnanimous Soul’
    Heart pounding and quickened breath,
    We ask ourselves why me, why this, why now,
    Fear and dispute start to close in,
    Like slimy tentacles of a monster,
    But before it grabs hold to never let go
    Our hearts strengthen and burn bright,
    Courage builds and keeps the fear at bay,
    We rise above this disease,
    It doesn’t retreat but now we fight,
    For our souls are noble
    And fill with courage and strength,
    We fight each battle one step at a time.
    Our fight is with multiple sclerosis,
    And with it we each carry
    A Magnanimous Soul.
    By D. Hutchinson

    Each day is a battle when you have MS and we all fight to make sure it doesn’t define us. I know I am lucky to have had less severe symptoms than others but I hope that if you are reading this that it helps keep the fire lit in your own fight with MS or anything else you have to battle. It all comes down to keeping your courage even when hope seems just beyond your reach. I know it’s hard to keep courageous especially when things spiral out of control and that is why support is vital in everyone’s fight with the beast that is MS. The poem title is my way of saying yeah i have multiple sclerosis but that’s not all MS stands for, I also have a Magnanimous Soul. I hope that if nothing else comes from this post, I help at least one person feel like they’re not alone and that my poem resonates with them.
    Keep fighting and keep your courage. MS fighters you all have a Magnanimous Soul.

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  • By Erin Rush Moderator

    Your poetry is absolutely beautiful, DillieHutch! Thank you very much for taking the time to share a part of your diagnosis story and your poetry with the MultipleSclerosis.net community.

    I found your post very honest, uplifting, and inspiring. And I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.

    Thank you again for sharing and for being a part of the MultipleSclerosis.net community!

    Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.

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  • By DillieHutch

    Okay I didn’t realize I misspelled dispare. It might have been auto correct though, now that I think about it. The line in my poem is ‘Fear and dispare start to close in,’.

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