By Nikki C.
I try to explain my life to someone who hasn’t ever been around a sick person/ or a person with MS.
Every day I have to force myself to get up. Then I have to force myself to take shower and get ready for the day. Does anyone out there understand that every day I have to force myself to do thing. Its a fight every day, and if I have plans with someone its a bigger fight. Because my body says no don’t go, but my head says even though she told you if your hurting you don’t have to go. But if I don’t go, I let her down and myself down. Then if I do go I let the pain & MS win. So please understand this is a fight I have to do every day and if I can’t get out of the bed or do whatever I had planned to do, I let the pain & MS win.
I’m tired of fighting myself to do anything. Its a battle I have every day. And I tell myself if I don’t do it or whatever I was supposed to do I don’t, it wins, and I just hurt people or myself.
I’m tired of fighting and saying “I’m sorry” cause I can’t do that or this.
Are you tired of fighting or saying you are sorry?
I’m 98% of the time I fighting to do this or that! The other 2% I let the pain/MS win. So please understand if we have plans and I’m hurting and you “tell me I don’t have too” your basically letting me choose the pain/MS, I’m not going to let it control my life. So every day I fight myself, I don’t want to ever stop fighting myself, because that’s when I let the pain/MS win!!! I then its the ‘ I’m sorry I cant’ . so please understand if we have plans, I fight myself to come because I CHOOSE to come.