My Mom My Worst Enemy
For a year now my Mom has been experiencing dementia/schizophrenia events. She lives 11 miles away but that does not hold her back.
She can call 24/7 cursing me, accusing me of being in her home, stealing from her, you name it.
I was diagnosed with RRMS in 2008. My health has declined with every stressful life episode. I walk/move using a rolater now. Losing my 20 year career to a couple mergers, loss of health insurance even state Medicaid due to receiving SSDI, an appendicitis, loss of 5 yr term boyfriend, car accident (someone crashing into me in an intersection totaling my vehicle) once before MS this during MS-both times suck, now dealing with her dementia and my MS.
I say she's my worst enemy because the continuous bad calls. I cringe each time the phone rings. My friends say just turn your phone off. I can't, she'll call police for a "wellness check" and I can't afford penalties for false alarms.
It has deeply affected me. No sleeping, eating, showering, house chores, without her abusive calls. Today 5 calls so far and one visit.
My Brother who works out of town came over today bringing the dog and her. She requires 24/7 attention. He gave my 80 yr old Dad a break. He left for 20 minutes to get lunch and for me to play with the dog. She fell asleep for 5 minutes woke up screaming at me that I did something to my Brother then cried. I tried to remind her he was coming back but she was inconsolable. Luckily he returned quckly and she cried take me home.
Residences will not take her because of her combative vulgar behavior. I talked to a facility who said "she'll have to die at home".?!?!?!
She's loudly accused my Dad of an affair, my Brother of moving, on and on and on...
In the meantime my health has deminished. I fall often a corner of a cabinet to my ribs, falling backwards my head to the wall, my knees on concrete...My mid back pain crippling me to a crawl. I even thought laying on the floor after the head bang my only way out is my death. My prayers have not helped. I've even begged God for help. I've been foresaken. Now I guess just wait while laying on the floor running a mental injury inventory after a fall?
Hi @Azjackie! I replied to your comment on another post, but I wanted to come here and reply again.
Frankly, this is too much for any one person to deal with. And I know you know that better than anyone else. It sounds like your whole family is being held hostage by your mother's mental illness. Please know I am not a medical professional, but have they tried medications for your mother? I assume they most likely have. There are antidepressants that can help with the mood swings from dementia. That may not help with the schizophrenia, though. Not knowing your family's story, I don't want to assume anything, but I bet you have exhausted many options already.
I don't want to pepper you with too much well meaning, but tone deaf suggestions. I know you are not the primary caregiver, but I wanted to share this one resource for you and your family -- https://www.caregiver.org/taking-care-you-self-care-family-caregivers. Yes, some of the advice is great but you may be thinking, "Yeah, I know what to do. It's finding the time or resources to do it!!" Also, NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) has some resources for families that might help you feel less alone -- https://www.nami.org/Support-Education.
Please, know you are not alone. I know it's hard to take this kind of abuse from your mother, even when you know it's the mental illness talking, not her.
I may not be able to offer awesome solutions, but please know this community is here 24/7 for you. It's not enough, I know. But, it's something. I am so very, very sorry that you are in this situation. I could ramble on for pages here, but I'll spare you.
I hear you and I think you are very brave.
Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.
Thank you for all the information. Thank you for listening.
Hi @Azjackie.
To echo and add to what Erin said, it is not safe for you to be in charge of your mother, not even for 20 minutes. You really need to be firm with your family about that. I am sure it is hard on them, but it is a life or death situation for you given your own health issues.
My sister went through something similar with my brother-in-law a few years ago and it was pretty horrible. In the end though, she couldn't save him, so she had to save herself. If she becomes a danger to you or to herself, please do not hesitate to call the police and get her the help she needs. They will hospitalize and commit her and she will at least be safe for a while.
Unfortunately, we have huge cracks in health care system that people like your mother plummet into. There are few (if any) facilities that can handle people with mental illnesses and dementia. Know that she is not herself, so you will not be able to reason with her or make her understand.
My heart goes out to you.
Please lean on us as much as you need to. We are here for you.
Hugs! - Lori (Team Member)
