A Day Without MS

Every morning, I wake up and remember that I have multiple sclerosis. It’s not exactly a pleasant surprise, and I often find myself wishing for just one day where I could forget about it all. Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up and not feel that familiar ache in my arms or the heavy fatigue that makes getting out of bed a struggle? Just one day where my body feels dependable instead of a constant challenge.

The weight of everyday symptoms

For those of us living with MS, each day brings a mix of symptoms that seem to show up uninvited. Some mornings, fatigue wraps around me like a heavy blanket, making it hard to even think about getting out of bed. Other days, it’s the muscle spasms that catch me off guard, turning simple tasks into monumental efforts. I joke with my friends that I could win a gold medal in “What’s Up Today?,” but deep down, I often wonder what it would feel like to use my arms with abandon and feel no pain or tightness or throbbing aches.

The unpredictability of MS can be exhausting, not just for my body, but for my mind and spirit too. It feels like I’m navigating a world that wasn’t built for people with chronic illnesses. I often catch myself thinking about a day when my symptoms take a backseat and I can just be… me.

Imagining the impossible

So, what would that dream day look like? I picture waking up, stretching my arms without feeling stiffness, and stepping out of bed feeling light on my feet. Well, as light on my feet as I can be with my morbid obesity. No sudden fatigue crashing in around 2 PM, just steady energy to tackle whatever comes my way, whether that’s a to-do list or a spontaneous walk in the park. It is the idea of just doing and not thinking about doing.

I imagine my “MS friends” getting the day off too, not because they’re abandoning me, but because they’ve hit the jackpot of normalcy for a change. We’d all go our separate ways, reveling in the freedom of feeling like ourselves. Meeting a friend for coffee without worrying about finding a place that accommodates my unpredictable body would be a dream. We’d laugh and chat, and I’d be fully present, not distracted by the discomfort that often pulls my focus away from them.

The reality of MS

But let’s be real: MS is a part of my life, and it’s woven into everything I do. It’s like a thread I can’t pull out. I often feel like I’m playing whack-a-mole, where each symptom pops up just as I think I’ve gotten a handle on the last one. It’s exhausting down to my very core.

There’s an irony in this situation. On days when I have the energy to do everything I want, I often find myself overwhelmed by the anxiety of what tomorrow might bring. Will I wake up feeling great only to be brought back to reality by a sudden flare-up? Or will I spend the day feeling almost trapped in my own body, wishing for the freedom I used to take for granted?

Finding humor in the chaos

Despite the challenges, I’ve learned to find humor in my situation. Sometimes, you just have to laugh. Like the time I attempted to dance the robot only to find that my arms decided to lock in place making me look all the more authentic. I ended up looking like Michael Jackson performing “Dancing Machine” with the Jackson 5. My mom couldn’t stop laughing, and instead of feeling embarrassed, I joined in. It was one of those moments where the weight of my symptoms faded away, if only for a little while.

This resilience has become part of who I am. It has become a part of who we all are. MS may be in my life, but it doesn’t define me. I’ve learned to celebrate smallest of victories, These moments remind me that life is still beautiful, even with its challenges.

A day of peace

Now, back to that dream day without MS. What if, for just one day, all my symptoms took a vacation? I can picture stepping outside, feeling the sun on my skin, and taking deep breaths without discomfort. I’d indulge in ice cream on a hot day without worrying that the heat might trigger a flare-up. I’d dance, yes dance, without the fear of my arms locking up. I’d feel carefree, if only for that day.

I’d engage with friends, laughing without the shadow of MS looming over me. I’d enjoy every second, soaking in the freedom to be just me.

Acceptance is not failure

But then reality sets back in. While I may dream of a day without symptoms, I also have to accept that MS is my journey. It has taught me resilience, empathy, and the value of community. It connects me with others who understand the struggles and triumphs that come with this unpredictable illness.

Even on tough days, I find comfort in knowing I’m not alone. There’s a whole community of us navigating this path together. We share our stories, advice, and laughter, reminding each other that it’s okay to have bad days and to wish for a break. So, while that magical day to forget about MS may not come, I can always choose to embrace the life that I have come to live!