A woman stands between two mirrors that are a reflection of herself. The one side is pointing towards her accusingly. The other side is giving her a small smile.

The Ultimate Betrayal Courtesy of MS

One day, my son walked in as I struggled with one of the simplest of tasks. When his offer to assist was shooed away, he asked why he couldn't help to which I responded (as usual) that I wished to first try independently. He sat down and watched me with a thoughtful expression as he wondered aloud "How and why did MS choose you? It's like one day you were fine, living your life and then...this."

MS and the betrayal of my body

Truthfully, I can't say I haven't thought the same along this MS journey. At any rate, there was no 'answer' to give my son. But at that time, I recalled the words that the infamous late Mafia boss, John Gotti Sr., who was battling cancer, told his son. He said, "My body betrayed me, but not my mind." And I adopted it for myself and shared with my son that particular nugget because I, too, feel betrayed by my body/MS with all of these physical challenges. But thus far, fortunately, I still have my cognitive function. MS is just the ultimate betrayer.

Comparing other betrayals in life

I remember when I was about nine or ten years old, an incident occurred during summer camp. One of the older teen counselors began to tease me and then he took my arm and began to turn me around as he kicked at my bottom and legs. Once free, I told the camp director who just so happened to be my father's friend. He did nothing. When I told my parents, my father confronted him and he denied knowing anything about the incident. I'd been humiliated by the counselor just for laughs and then I was betrayed by someone who I thought cared about me as a child, the camp participant and family friend...And yet, MS is still the ultimate betrayer.

This also happened: I was in my late teens, young and in love. It was a beautiful feeling and it seemed my feelings were reciprocated. It was like I'd found my soulmate. There was nothing we couldn't talk about, we loved spending time together and when apart, we were on the phone. Jackie Wilson's song 'To Be Loved' could have been our theme song:

"...Someone to kiss
Someone to miss
When you're away
To hear from each day
To be loved (to be loved)
To be loved (to be loved)
Oh what a feeling
To be loved…
To hear from each day
To be loved (to be loved)
To be loved (to be loved)
Oh what a feeling
To be loved…"

Fast forward and sparing the gory details, I discovered he was and had been seeing someone else. His betrayal hurt badly, but MS is still the ultimate betrayer.

Still moving forward

The betrayals I have encountered in my past were undoubtedly hurtful, but I have moved on. And, even with body deficits in both my fine and gross motor skills, I am still moving forward after facing the ultimate betrayal...courtesy of MS.

Note: This article was written because I needed a pick-me-up, a reminder, some encouragement to keep pushing. It may do the same for someone else. Sometimes, we have to encourage ourselves…

"Sometimes you have to
Encourage yourself
Sometimes you have to
Speak victory during the test
And no matter how you feel
Speak the word and you will be healed
Speak over yourself
Encourage yourself in the Lord…"

- Donald Lawrence

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