Okay, let me just start off by saying… I don’t embarrass easily. I’m a very open person… and I don’t usually care what people think. But let me tell you what happened to me this past weekend…
Well, here in Texas, it is officially Dove Season… so my husband and father-in-law and their friends went out hunting. So we had a BBQ this past weekend to cook what they killed.
We had a bunch of people over here, and some of my family that I don’t normally see on a “regular” basis. I didn’t know a lot of the people that were here “well”… as in, I haven’t hung out with them before… and that isn’t what bothered me, by the way.
It was a long day of hanging out and cooking and eating and having fun… as it got later in the day, my body (and mind) were getting fatigued… go figure, right?
So, we’re all hanging out and talking… and I’m holding a conversation and I’m thinking in my head, what I want to say before I say it… that’s a normal occurrence for me.
As I was saying out loud, what I had “planned” to say in my head… the words just weren’t coming out the way they were supposed to! I planned to say something about Colorado, and ended up saying something about California? And of course I got looks like, “what”… cause I obviously confused them.
I went to correct myself to say Colorado, not California… but I couldn’t get the words out… and my husband (bless him) came to my rescue.
That was just one of the MANY occurrences that evening. Now, like I said… I don’t embarrass easily… but I was getting there, because these people didn’t know why I was having such difficulty speaking… and I couldn’t even get the words out to explain why. I finally ended up going to bed, because I just couldn’t keep up anymore.
But I’m wondering how I should handle situations like that in the future… Should I let people know that I have MS sooner…? I mean it didn’t come up… and by the time my lovely fatigued brain came in to play, I just couldn’t seem to explain.
Even when I have explained the situation in the past, in different scenarios, they nodded their heads, but I don’t think they fully understood what it means to have that type of “cog-fog” as I like to call it.
I know a lot of people have issues forming conversation when they’re tired… but this is different, and it’s hard to explain… Because it happens even when I’m not tired… but it’s A LOT worse when I’m fatigued. When that happens, I say… “huh”… A LOT!
Do you know how many times I’ve put the milk up in the cabinet, instead of the fridge? Way too many to count… It seems as though my brain goes on strike and just isn’t anywhere in the building…
I guess I can deal “okay” with my body being fatigued… or my brain being fatigued… but both at the same time… oh goodness, it’s chaotic!
Even when I’m well rested and doing something or having a phone conversation, I will get silent because I have the word I want to say on the tip of my tongue… and it just won’t get past the brain to mouth filter, or something. At least when I’m talking to one of my friends who has MS, they know what I mean without me saying the word, and they can’t seem to get the word out either at times. So that’s at least comforting.
One of the many phrases I use now a days while holding a conversation is, “Oh, you know what I mean… ”
So there is my latest vent, I know I’m not alone in this… and I just wanted to voice my “issues” with my “cog-fog”.