A frustrated woman trying to articulate words that are locked inside her head.

Fumbling Word Vomit

I know it’s been a while since I’ve been able to actually sit down and write an article. Life happens, and there never seems to be enough time or energy in the day for me to do the things that I want to do.

I recently had an experience that I wanted to touch base on; it wasn’t the first time it’s happened, but I finally remembered to write it down to remember the topic I wanted to discuss. It’s a ‘symptom’ of Multiple Sclerosis, to me anyway, that I have dubbed “Fumbling Word Vomit”.

Ashley’s definition of Fumbling Word Vomit

When your brain doesn’t cooperate with your mouth to get the words out that you want to say, so you start saying words that you think might work but actually make NO sense at all.

Why do I do this? Because it’s embarrassing in certain situations when I’m trying to say something but can’t get the dang word out of my mouth, so I get frustrated and just spit something out and hope for the best! *Fingers and toes crossed - if you can feel them.* 

What’s really frustrating is when I’m having a discussion about a certain subject that I’m highly knowledgeable about. I have all the correct information in my head; it all makes sense to me. But voicing it at times makes it look like I have absolutely NO idea of what I’m talking about. So, those people that don’t know my MS struggles think I’m a wannabe know-it-all when really I’m just having some MS issues.

Anger and frustration from the cog-fog

There have been times when I’ve had explosive fumbling word vomit, then proceeded to curse up a storm directly after, out loud, because of my frustration. Again, those that don’t know the cognitive issues that I struggle with probably think that I’m a wannabe with anger issues. Dealing with cog-fog is beyond frustrating and so upsetting.

At that time, I am angry! I’m angry that my brain won’t cooperate when I need it to. It angers me that I have to even deal with this. I’m angry because I literally have the information right there, but the words are stuck in a soundproof box and can’t be heard.

We have to deal with this on a regular basis

I also know that many people deal with this issue who don’t have multiple sclerosis or another disease that affects them the same way cognitively. The difference is how often it happens and that we know it’s not just something random going on with our heads. This is something that we have to deal with on a regular basis.

I try so hard, and I do succeed most of the time, to not let things bother me or upset me. However, it seems that multiple things happen back-to-back that get me to the point of complete frustration at myself, the situation, and this illness that I battle every single day and try to use every weapon possible to battle it and come out on top.

You're not alone in dealing with weird symptoms

The entire purpose of me sharing my experience on this is for those who are living with this illness to know that they aren’t alone in the random, annoying, weird things that happen to them.

Also, for those who have a loved one living with this illness, this is so you can better understand what we’re going through in my odd/crazy/random explanations.

Finally, this is for the random person who reads things and has been on the receiving end of fumbling word vomit: Sorry, our brains were apparently on vacation without us.

Until next time - I hope it doesn’t take me so long to write again; this is like therapy to me.

xoxo

Ashley Ringstaff

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