Every Little Thing
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“My advice to other disabled people would be, concentrate on things your disability doesn’t prevent you doing well, and don’t regret the things it interferes with. Don’t be disabled in spirit as well as physically.” ~ Stephen Hawking

For some reason I can’t seem to hold on to anything anymore. My hands just don’t respond to any of my commands. Normally picking up items should be something you do without thinking about it. Not for me. Drinks, the telephone or really anything I try to grab falls straight to the floor. And even though this defect is transient, it still has a huge negative effect on some of my daily ordinary chores such as typing and brushing my teeth.

The main task affected by my lack of fine motor skills is my ability to prepare meals. I can no longer cook because I tend to drop the food, the cooking spoon or the plate. Because of this unpredictable deficiency, I have completely surrendered this part of my life to other people. Since I can offer no help at all in the kitchen, I find it hard to quarrel with the type of meals being prepared. But sometimes I just don’t feel like eating certain things and I have to voice my opinion. Given that I live with my husband, he has to take the brunt of my criticism. And when I do say something, it appears as if I am complaining. That usually ends with him being upset and me seeming ungrateful. And hungry.

We sometimes argue and it usually ends with me apologizing. Not because I think I’m wrong but because I need him to help me with so many daily tasks.

I also noticed we eat out more than what seems normal. We have items at home to eat but it is mainly drinks, snacks, fruit and bread.

I remember when my husband cooked on a regular basis. He would come home from work all excited about a recipe someone had told him about and he would prepare it that night. But now he rarely cooks anything and the bulk of the time we go out for meals. I believe this is because of my grumbling about his cooking. I guess if I prepared meals for someone and they always complained about the quality of the food I would also stop cooking.

He has never admitted that he no longer cooks because I complain, but it is pretty obvious that is the reason why. He would tell me he is too tired or just doesn’t feel like it.

The decision to eat out has worked because I am able to pick and choose what I want to eat without hurting anyone’s feelings. That was a great solution to the problem but an expensive one. We now spend a lot more money because of all the dining out.

I can’t believe all of this comes about because I have trouble holding things in my hands. It’s crazy how MS directly and indirectly touches every little thing in my life.

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