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Every Little Thing

Every Little Thing

“My advice to other disabled people would be, concentrate on things your disability doesn’t prevent you doing well, and don’t regret the things it interferes with. Don’t be disabled in spirit as well as physically.” ~ Stephen Hawking

For some reason I can’t seem to hold on to anything anymore. My hands just don’t respond to any of my commands. Normally picking up items should be something you do without thinking about it. Not for me. Drinks, the telephone or really anything I try to grab falls straight to the floor. And even though this defect is transient, it still has a huge negative effect on some of my daily ordinary chores such as typing and brushing my teeth.

The main task affected by my lack of fine motor skills is my ability to prepare meals. I can no longer cook because I tend to drop the food, the cooking spoon or the plate. Because of this unpredictable deficiency, I have completely surrendered this part of my life to other people. Since I can offer no help at all in the kitchen, I find it hard to quarrel with the type of meals being prepared. But sometimes I just don’t feel like eating certain things and I have to voice my opinion. Given that I live with my husband, he has to take the brunt of my criticism. And when I do say something, it appears as if I am complaining. That usually ends with him being upset and me seeming ungrateful. And hungry.

We sometimes argue and it usually ends with me apologizing. Not because I think I’m wrong but because I need him to help me with so many daily tasks.

I also noticed we eat out more than what seems normal. We have items at home to eat but it is mainly drinks, snacks, fruit and bread.

I remember when my husband cooked on a regular basis. He would come home from work all excited about a recipe someone had told him about and he would prepare it that night. But now he rarely cooks anything and the bulk of the time we go out for meals. I believe this is because of my grumbling about his cooking. I guess if I prepared meals for someone and they always complained about the quality of the food I would also stop cooking.

He has never admitted that he no longer cooks because I complain, but it is pretty obvious that is the reason why. He would tell me he is too tired or just doesn’t feel like it.

The decision to eat out has worked because I am able to pick and choose what I want to eat without hurting anyone’s feelings. That was a great solution to the problem but an expensive one. We now spend a lot more money because of all the dining out.

I can’t believe all of this comes about because I have trouble holding things in my hands. It’s crazy how MS directly and indirectly touches every little thing in my life.

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Comments

  • Cardgal18
    1 year ago

    I also drop everything. Most of the time my husband cleans it up. We “jokingly” we refer to it as my dropsey. But he does realize I need to try and when he steps in sometimes I feel so totally defeated trying to do anything. So I tell him often “Let me do what I CAN do, when I can do it”. And he gets it. Couldn’t live without him!

  • Judy
    1 year ago

    When I lost all my fine motor skills, I had this same problem. I worked it the best I could though by focusing on what I had to hold. I still couldn’t do a lot of things, but I could hold a cup with two hands, even though I couldn’t feel it. If you can… slow it down, and keep doing things one thing at a time. You may find it helps. I hope it does.

  • Sue
    4 years ago

    I can only use my right side. This means that I’m having a hard time walking (dragging), dressing and transferring. My husband not only has to cook, but select my clothes. Many times he has to help me on and off the wheelchair. He has to push the chair to the restaurant. Sometimes, cut my food. I spill a lot because the chair doesn’t get close to the table. Lots of grumbling on both sides.
    It isn’t fair. We both try so hard. We can’t get used to a situation and make accommodations because I keep on slipping away.

  • north-star
    4 years ago

    If I watch what I’m doing, my balance is affected. If I reach for something I’m just as likely to knock it off a table as I am to pick it up. My husband sharpened two knives without telling me and within three days I had three cuts that bled like crazy. And three giant messes because I can’t unwrap a bandage with one bleeding hand without the other dripping gore everywhere. People with normal responses have trouble opening and putting a band-aid on themselves!

    My husband isn’t the most patient or nurturing person, but he means well 99% of the time. I love him, but when he says “why didn’t you watch what you were doing/ or were going?” I’m as low as I can go without leaving him to make his own damn dinner forever. Finally I said: if you come home and I have the “grabber” in the pouch of my walker it’s code for This Has Been A Bad Day. Don’t ask, I won’t tell.

    We’ve become meal putters-togetherers, fans of Trader Joes, Costco, supermarket deli customers, purchasers of salad kits and other pre-chopped but minimally processed foods. Check the sodium level (one day’s allotment should be 1,200 mgs, more or less) and it’s a rough guide to how bad the food is for you.

    Meals are important to both of us, but the continual hassle makes me not care what we have. I just don’t eat if I don’t want beans and rice, for example. I feel like I’m ten years old with outsized oven mitts for hands. This a big deal for me, sounds like it is for you, too, Nicole.

  • Candy
    4 years ago

    Nicole…I only have the use of one hand but still cook for myself. I am also on the MS Paleo diet (no sugar, no wheat/gluten, no dairy, no beans/legumes and no red meat/pork.) which is restrictive but makes me feel so much better plus right now I’m doing PT and OT which has even given me some mobility in my feet. Look into Terry Wahls…fantastic!!!

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