Get Out of My Way Yesterday!

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays."

With MS, my yesterday affects my today

But, with due respect, Mr. Emerson didn't have multiple sclerosis. Mr. Emerson didn't have little to no mobility. And Mr. Emerson didn't find himself afraid to take one small step. To be fair, everyone has troubles at some point, so it's highly likely he did as well. The quote had to be inspired by the happenstance of something or some experience of someone, whether relative to him or even if just intended to encourage someone else. I just know that amongst my yesterdays, I took a dreaded fall. My (now healed) fractured foot compounded the issues I was already experiencing with MS. Unfortunately, I find I'm left a bit traumatized which tells me that I, while appreciating the dear new days afforded me, am indeed dealing with my yesterdays.

Recovering from a foot fracture

I fell while transferring from my vehicle to my wheelchair, breaking a bone in my foot in the process. At this juncture, the bone has healed; it's void of pain, tolerant of weight-bearing, and the orthopedic surgeon has cleared me to resume 'regular' activity and declared no more use for the post-trauma shoe. The therapist and I have been working on strengthening my legs while anxiously anticipating all of the above so that we could begin transferring. The issue, however, is that now that the time is here, something is 'off.' And I have finally figured out what it is: I'm scared.

Difficulty trusting my foot

During PT, I am working on getting back to standing from my chair and pivoting around to sit on my commode, shower wheelchair, or standard wheelchair. In order to do so, I must take a step with my right foot, causing my weight to be shifted solely onto my left. The (post) injured foot. The foot I find I am having difficulty trusting. I didn't even realize it until after a couple of sessions, I actually felt a quick wave of panic and the sudden urge to sit. And then the therapist said, "I believe there's a bit of trauma there causing you to have trouble trusting that foot, but you'll get there and realize it's fine." And there it was - she'd voiced what I had just realized for myself.

Trauma from my painful fall

My yesterday included that painful fall which led to an even more painful injury, and my mind is stuck back there, slowing my progress to get where I need to be. It doesn't stop there. When I even think of getting in or out of a car again, I actually feel anxious about attempting to do so. MS has robbed me of so much functionality, I simply cannot lose my baseline. I want to leave yesterday. I need to leave yesterday. I do not want to waste my time on yesterday. I mean, the 'hard' part is over and "This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations...." It's imperative that I get past this obstacle called trauma, but how? Three thoughts that come to mind are:

1. Accepting my feelings

At first, I felt a little silly. But why? This was an incident that threatened my safety and was quite a frightening experience. With that realization, I came to the understanding that I can allow myself to feel what I feel without shame and accept those feelings.

2. Taking care of myself

Also, I believe taking good care of my health can be beneficial. Getting plenty of rest, relaxing and avoiding stress, working on the strengthening exercises outside of my sessions, and even being mindful of what foods and drinks I consume.

3. Doing my best

And coping skills when practicing the movement such as breathing slowly and deeply, thinking positively and although it may be difficult, taking my time, and being gentle with myself. I can only do the best I can do.

Making progress

At the present, therapy is still in progress. Once, I successfully transferred during a session - albeit a bit awkwardly, but I felt good about my accomplishment. "This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays." I know. I'm getting there...Stay tuned!