When It Comes To MS, You Can Call Me A 'Hater'
To have or feel a strong aversion, incredible dislike, or extreme disdain of something can sometimes be construed as hate. Hence, the person who inhabits said feelings may be deemed a hater.
Not to be misconstrued with the slang term ‘hater,’ which is someone who ‘hates on’ - meaning to feel jealousy - another for something. No, I am a hater because there is something that I hate. It is multiple sclerosis (MS), and nothing about it makes me jealous. Everything about this horrid chronic degenerative disease and how it has affected my life makes me hate it. Therefore, I’ve been a hater for nearly two decades.
My feelings toward MS
My MS has progressed in ways that have me sedentary and dependent on others to exist. I hate that. With the majority of my lesions being on my spine, the physical part of me is more affected. I can no longer walk, step, or pivot. My hands are curled, arms contracted. My muscles are so weakened. My fight against atrophy is an endless exercise, a daily struggle. Painful spasms, neuropathy, spasticity. The seizures… smh… they are unnerving.
And I hate that I had to retire at only 41 years old. I can no longer drive. MS has touched every part of my life. For the most part, I’ve identified ways to cope, to take it in stride and do what I can while I can no matter how limited. But it does not negate the fact that I hate it all. Some days, some incidents exacerbate (no pun intended) my feelings towards all things MS.
It hinders me
These days, I suppose I’m wearing my hate for MS on my sleeve. As if its effects aren’t already detrimental enough, now it's hindering me from helping my mother during a major health crisis, as of my writing this. She suffered a stroke and is on a journey to walk/regain the ability to use her right side and talk/recover from expressive aphasia. After nearly a month of hospitalization and rehab, she is home.
My sisters and my father have been able to fill in with her activities of daily living and such until an aide can begin. But… guess who can’t, because MS has made it so I require the very same assistance myself. Sitting on the sidelines from my wheelchair… watching. Even having to pay attention to the length of time I can sit with her due to incontinence. And trying not to stress too much, lest I have a flare or seizure. It just really, really sucks. Yet again, MS has given me a reason to hate it.
I have and feel a strong aversion to, an incredible dislike, and extreme disdain for MS. So, yes, when it comes to MS, I am a hater.
Editor’s Note: We are extremely saddened to say that on December 2nd, 2024, Dianne Scott passed away. Dianne’s advocacy efforts and writing continue to reach many. She will be deeply missed.
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