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I Miss Me Too

I Miss Me Too

So this is probably really random, but it hit me recently, that in conversations I seem to say, “I used to….”, frequently. For instance, I was playing basketball with my kids and some of my friend’s kids. Okay, not fully playing, but just shooting around. I was asked if I played… I said, “I used to… but not anymore.”

My husband does most of the cooking now a days, so in conversation, it’s brought up. People ask if I cook at all, and I answer, “I used to all the time… but not much anymore.” So what am I getting at? I’m getting to the point that there used to be SO many things that I USED to do, that I can no longer do… or that I can’t do as frequently.

It’s not something that I have fully looked into, until recently. I get random thoughts in my head sometimes, where I will just around and reflect on things that I used to frequently do in the past. They say people change with time, but people change due to changes in their life, and with time.

I miss the things that I used to do frequently; maybe that’s why I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the past. It can be depressing sometimes looking back and realizing that are so many things I can no longer do. It’s almost like I don’t even realize all that I’ve ‘lost’. It obviously didn’t all happen at once, but gradually over time.

One of the monumental things that I miss greatly is being outside. Obviously I live in Texas, so the heat isn’t something that is easily avoidable. It’s not that I can’t go outside cause of the heat, it’s that I can’t do all the things that I used to very easily. Some of them being swimming, fishing, hunting, going to the lake, river, etc. Going to watch outdoor sports, or even playing in them. I know some people are like, well swimming, you’re staying cool… very true, but if it’s over 100 degrees outside, my body is going to be fatigued from the heat and even more so after swimming.

I used to be able to go run errands all day long, or a couple days in a row… now it seems that even going to the grocery store is a chore that I have to plan out ahead of time. Somebody asked me if I was going ‘Black Friday’ shopping… that was a big NO! No way, nope, not gonna happen.

Some people wonder why I only wear comfy clothes, that mainly being jeans and a T-Shirt. Well for one, it’s comfy… the other… getting ‘dressed up’ takes a lot of energy, not to mention the whole girl thing of doing hair and make-up.

I’ve had people tell me that they miss the way I used to be… the things I used to… etc. It’s like, and I don’t… I didn’t ask for this… I didn’t want to stop doing the things I used to. I had to make changes to ensure I am doing okay, and that I do not have to deal with a flare up, or worsening symptoms.

Don’t act like I don’t miss the way it used to be either. But I have made changes in my life and have found new things that I enjoy. So with everything that was taken away, it’s almost like I gained something new that I didn’t know I would enjoy.

The bottom line… I do miss who I was before my diagnosis. I don’t like missing out on doing things because of it, but I do enjoy the things that I CAN do. I have to find the positive in my new life, because if I just focused on the negative, then it would consume me…

xoxo

Ashley Ringstaff

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This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The MultipleSclerosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Kritty
    2 years ago

    I agree and can relate. I do miss “me” and I’ve said that so much in the past 5 years, because I continue to decline and I’m unable to do almost everything I did before. Instead of saying “I used to…..” I find myself saying “I was gonna do….”
    My husband pointed that out to me on more than one occasion. I didn’t even realize I was saying that. So now I tease him back. He likes to talk and almost every conversation we have, if I’m not responding back how he thinks I should when he’s trying to make a point he will continuously say “What I’m saying is…” He doesn’t have MS, I just like being able to have a snarky come back so when he does that I’ll repeat his own repetitive line back to him, after I say it about 3 times as he’s talking then he starts to laugh. It’s a therapeutic way for me to make fun of each other. It makes both of us laugh. I found humor helps to get through the bad things instead of dwelling on what I WAS GONNA do. LOL One thing I know is when we feel too tired or worn out to be able to complete daily activities it’s just part of my life now. So I make fun of it instead.

  • opirnia
    2 years ago

    exactly. thanks for sharing so clearly.

  • whatthemsnow
    3 years ago

    Have you been ‘reading my mail’ Ashley Ringstaff? … JK … LOL … The other day I was having the very same conversation my husband …. (a very one sided conversation I must add, bless his heart)!!
    Thank you for sharing and articulating in a concise manner that it’s ok to grieve the old habits and personal traits of ourselves that MS has altered. And that there is a healthy, positive Part 2 of our lives we are writing right now!

  • cindyz
    3 years ago

    I miss being with my husband. He said he understands but I still live with the feeling he is that going to leave. This is one of the things that has been taken away that bothers me most, not to say there aren’t other things. After 30 years of marriage I hope he doesn’t run. Nobody talks about this problem.

  • jennyb
    3 years ago

    I’m with you on this. I’ve been married almost 26 years and sex was very important, especially for my husband, but is non-existent now. I feel bad about that, but also thankful (and guilty) that I don’t have to do that anymore.

  • Ann osterberg
    3 years ago

    I miss me too! Sometimes my mind thinks I can still do what I used to do. I try and then I pay for it by the next few days on the couch , not being able to function

  • JoyH
    3 years ago

    This is so relatable! I was just diagnosed a year ago, so I’m still getting used to this new life of mine. I just got great news from my latest MRI-no active demyelination! So why don’t I feel better? I ask myself that a lot-along with telling myself I “should” be able to do more. I feel very fortunate because I am still mobile & was able to quit my full time job to work part time at a job that I love that isn’t too taxing on me. I have a very supportive family, but I still keep expecting to feel better & it’s so hard to explain to others what’s going on in my body-the fatigue, the tingling, the leg fatigue, and so on. I think that is one of the things I love about this forum, and other MS sites-the camaraderie that I feel. We may not all have the same story/symptoms, but I feel like everyone here “gets it”, and that helps so much!

  • Cece719
    3 years ago

    I completely agree and understand . Im only 32 but I feel like I should be at somebody senior citizen home ..even old people call me old ..smh This the point of my life where im suppose to be on top and I use to be once … im supposed to helping my father not my dad takin care of me and my son … most of the time I feel like a burden but im slowly tryin to grasp this new thing in my life call MS . I was diagnosed last year ..3 years after my mother passed away from her long time battle with MS herself… crazy… I know… things you only see in the tyler perry movies. But it a process.. kinda hard from being a care taker for my mom now im on the other end . But im dealing ..I found a new love for writing ..something that I use to do but me always on the go type of person just lost interest in ….but staying positive as much as you can

  • chicago2lubbock
    3 years ago

    I feel the same way. I don’t even know this person I’ve become. I’m always so tired no matter how much sleep I get. I work part time and even at times that can be very over whelming. I want the old me who had tons of energy and could walk for what seems forever. Now I get winded walking from 1 room to another. This is not the life I imagined I can definitely say that. I’m 32 and most days I feel as if I’m 62!!! But I’m here and I’m fighting daily I am determined to live and cope with the person I’ve become.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    OHHH I know exactly how you feel about everything you just said.
    I try and do my laundry and I’m exhausted afterwards, it’s like… REALLY! That used to be the ‘easy’ house chore for me to do!

  • Grandma5
    3 years ago

    Just the other day I told my husband the thing I miss the most is being mobile. I miss the days when I could walk to see my neighbors or run into a store to get a few things. No more now I have to plan, get out my scooter, have someone else drive me (I no longer can drive). Sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth all the trouble.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    Aw! Hang in there! I know it’s tough… I avoid all stores no matter what, just because I get annoyed easily by others.
    A lot of my stores now are doing online order pick up. You can shop online, then go to the store and park in a certain ‘area’ and they will bring what you ordered out to your car.

  • JustsayN
    3 years ago

    I feel you. I miss the old me too. These days though, I spend more time feeling comfortable with myself now. I agree that spending too much time in the past with depress you . So stay in the present. Find things that you like about yourself. This year I want to try something new. We’ll see

  • DonnaFA moderator
    3 years ago

    Hi justsayN, thanks for sharing your encouraging words. I saw something I want to try with my family this year. My youngest son (11) is a little worrywart, he has such a hard time staying present. I saw a little mindfulness practice that I want to incorporate into our day. You get a jar and every day, just write down one good thing that happened and add it to the jar. It helps you reflect on the positive each day and, at the end of the year, it’s kind of helpful in counting your blessings. It would be awesome to add maybe a secondary jar, and as you said, find things you like about yourself, maybe how you helped a friend, a little random act of kindness that you paid forward. It might be surprising.

    What are you considering as your new thing for 2017? -All Best, Donna (MultipleSclerosis.net team)

  • giraffe516
    3 years ago

    I completely get this. Many a day i say to myself I miss my life. It used to be a full one filled with friends and outings and very busy. I had a boyfriend and his family and it was great. Now I have work and home. Thankful for my pets but the boyfriend left when I stopped being able to participate in many things. The friends don’t call to join in since it takes such planning for me to go anywhere. So the outings, concerts, parties, movies have all stopped. Going anywhere requires such effort. I truly do miss me!

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    Oh, I never get invited anywhere. If i do, I have to plan for it… then I go and I can’t stay out late, or do everything they want to do, and end up leaving… which some people can take an offense to, but my close friends finally understand now a days.

    Hang in there! Always here if you need to chat! You can find my social media pages on the bottom of the article if you wanna reach out.

  • DonnaFA moderator
    3 years ago

    Hi giraffe516, we’re glad this article resonated with you. Please know that you’re not alone. You can always reach out to us here or on our Facebook page when you need support or a friendly ear. You may also want to consider checking out MS Peer Connection to connect with peers in your area.

    Thanks for being part of the community, we’re glad you’re here. -Warmly, Donna (MultipleSclerosis.net team)

  • CatMom
    3 years ago

    Ashley, I know exactly how you feel.

    I used to be able to cook any time I wanted, not anymore. Standing at the stove with the heat just drains me. Running errands needs to be planned now, instead of just running out the door and doing. The need to cancel plans at the last minute is very frustrating for me and the other person, but this is my life now. Sometimes, things just have to be re-prioritized several times during the day.

    I hear you loud and clear, and “I miss me, too,” but there are positive things in our lives, too.

    Merry Christmas!

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    Hey! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!

    I do know that there are great things in life still, and I appreciate them too. I was just venting because I have had comments recently, stating how much fun I ‘used’ to be.

  • chalknpens
    3 years ago

    Yes. I used to be a teacher. I used to manage to remember not only student names, but their parents’ names, the students’ learning profiles, their IEP objectives, their preferred learning styles … their individual accommodations, their temperaments, their triggers … and then I lost my ‘executive functioning’ abilities due to MS cognitive impairment.
    I used to be up before dawn to drive to the school. I used to get home after dark, with a full bag of correcting waiting to be done. I used to spend most weekends doing laundry and correcting essays. Year by year it took me longer to do these familiar, worthwhile tasks. I gradually lost memory of student and parent names, IEP goals and objectives, individual learning styles and accommodations. And so I retired, regretfully.

    But since retirement, since discontinuation of the useless nightly injections, since my new schedule freedom, I have reclaimed myself. I teach again – quilting. I organize and manage again – my own quilt shop. I remember again – I can put my hand on any one of hundreds of bolts of fabric when a customer asks where one is. And I am relaxed, happy, and encouraging again to my young quilters and my customers.

    I miss the old, capable, responsible me. But I don’t miss the downward spiral caused by the meds … I don’t miss the loss of confidence and self respect. I don’t miss the impending sense of failure, the fear of loss of income, the sense of letting the world down.

    And I like the new, happier, independent me. I have arrived, finally. And I’m not going anywhere else. Living happily ever after with my husband and my kids and grandkids … life is, again, good.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    Hey! I’m so happy to hear that you have found something so wonderful and positive in your life after retiring!

    I do well with my cognitive function throughout the day at work, but it’s very repetitive, so that makes it a bit easier.

  • cheyennejourney
    3 years ago

    Just saying, not looking for pity. Just read this & realized that it took me a LONG time to like myself. And to be honest, I didn’t get that long with the me I liked, so yeah sometimes I miss that bitch

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    hahahah! that made me laugh

  • cookielady
    3 years ago

    I forgot that last winter it was starting to get hard to zip my coat or button my shirt or hook my bra. Wow What a difference a year makes. Been wearing my winter coat for a week now and I think I zipped it twice. I feel like a little kid and I don’t like it. I’m not the type of person who asks for help because I always thought I could do everything by myself. Reality is hard for me to deal with.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    Oh I hear ya. I had to ask my husband for help getting certain clothes on and stuff, it’s embarrassing, even if he IS my spouse.

  • skcullers
    3 years ago

    You speak for all of us. Hits harder during holidays . Weren’t we people living our lives so grandly? Challenge is to find ourselves and joy in this new normal.It is also, I find, just accepting allot of days are going to be difficult and coming to terms with kicking back and hoping for a better next day. We are so much harder on ourselves I have found then others who love us regardless.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    I completely agree. I just have times where i’m frustrated and vent a bit… but I do love the person I am today, just certain things I wish I could still DO.

  • Dimitri
    3 years ago

    Yeah.
    I used to be smart.
    I used to have a brain.
    Now, not so much.
    Err.

  • Ashley Ringstaff moderator author
    3 years ago

    Don’t ask me why, but I read this and the Wizard of Oz song popped in my head, “If I Only Had A Brain”… lol You gotta find humor in things, or at least I have to.

    You’re smarted than you give yourself credit for!

    xoxo

  • BarbaraBuchanan
    3 years ago

    Of all the things I miss, I miss my mind the most 🙂

    I hear you, Dimitri.

  • cheyennejourney
    3 years ago

    Completely understand that feeling.

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