Stuck In My Own Prison

My husband and I like to watch a lot of prison shows on television. We are always so interested to see what someone in prison/jail goes through. These men and women on these shows have no life outside of the prison walls. The prisons are dirty and disgusting. They live in cells with complete strangers, with little to look forward to. They keep them isolated and feed them garbage. These criminals are lost and just need some tough love and direction. They need to see that with the right help that they can make it in the real world. Prison life is most certainly a rough life to have to live. It made me realize how anyone suffering from any disease or illness is stuck in a prison of their own. We can all be inmates within our own bodies.

Fatigue holds me prisoner

We all have our own prison. MS happens to be mine. There are many other small MS symptoms I face, but fatigue is what holds me prisoner the most. It is what keeps me locked up and at times, unable to see freedom on the other side. It is relatable to sitting in a prison cell. I can’t get out no matter how hard I try, because my body holds the key to my release. I don’t know whether I will be locked up for days, weeks or months. All I can do is sit and hope that the heaviness and the exhaustion ease up soon.

I miss my freedom

As with any MS symptom, I sit and wait. The symptoms keep me isolated and feeling alone. While I can vent to my family, I know they can never truly understand. They don’t feel how difficult it is for me. They can’t see how sick it makes me feel. It is draining both physically and emotionally because all I want is for it to all stop. It keeps me in my room, longing to be alone and rest, but pained because I know how much it's causing me to miss beyond the walls of my bedroom. I miss my family and my friends. I miss getting to get out and do whatever I want whenever I want. I miss my freedom. I lay down to sleep to fight the tiredness, but my mind won’t let me be.

How long until I'm locked up again

Like the inside of a prison, no matter how tired you are, it’s difficult to sleep with all of the noise. The insomnia is deafening and only makes this sentence feel even longer than it already is. I try to see the positive, but when you’re confined to your bed it’s difficult to keep looking up. Each day I think I may see freedom on the other side, but soon realize, my time isn’t up yet. But, then, finally, I am called for release. I hear my name called and I’m anxious to get out; to be free. As excited as I am though, there is always the hidden fear of wondering when I’ll be locked up again. How long will I be free from my prison walls this time?

What MS symptom holds you prisoner the most?

XOXO,

Calie

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