Mother's Day Reflections: What Made Me a Mom With MS

I know what made me a daughter. The Heavens sent me to be birthed into the world through parents that never faltered in providing an abundance of love, shelter, nurturing, care, and support among a host of other wonderful attributes. I call them Mommy and Daddy. Yes, even as a very grown adult.

I know what made me a sister. Prior to my arrival to said awesome parents, there was another anxiously anticipating my presence. That was their firstborn daughter who'd be my eldest sister - thereby making me a sister. Within the next five years, I was definitely a solidified sister as three more baby girls were born into our family.

I know what made me an aunt. The years went by and we all grew up. Our family grew as well. Two of my four sisters began families of their own and six children were born making my beloved parents grandparents and, of course, me an aunt.

Becoming a mom with MS

I know what made me a mom. 29 years ago, a bouncing baby boy was sent from the Heavens to earth through my womb thereby making me a mother. 11 years later, I was a mother 'times two' when a feisty little girl followed suit and joined her big brother. And just shy of four years later, I know what made me a mom with MS. It was at a major life-changing neurology appointment when the doctor told me that my MRI showed significant scarring in my brain and along my spine. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

Adjusting family life around MS

That diagnosis made me a daughter, sister, aunt, and mom with MS - and I can handle that. Admittedly, I miss the opportunity to get to my parents' home anytime I wish due to my reduced mobility, yet they never mind coming to me. I miss the carefree sister night outings of old since I'm now primarily homebound, but it makes those rare visits when we can be all together at my parents' house, taking sister pics, all the more special. And though I can't be the auntie that could cook a couple of pans of pizza fish at a 'cousin night' sleepover since my fine motor skills have been severely affected, I can at least host the sleepover and provide junk food and take out to their heart's content. It's the mommy with MS that has made the biggest impact on me as a mom.

The MS guilt

The difficulty with being a mom with this MonSter, for me, initially was dealing with the guilt of not being able to experience the same quality of life with my daughter that I was able to with my son. Chronic fatigue was a primary hindrance and as time went on, the addition of reduced mobility played a role in going here and there, doing this, and that.

My children and caregivers

My needs have increased over the years due to the progression of this chronic, debilitating disease and have perpetuated shifts in my children's roles in our little family. At this juncture, in addition to being my children, they are essentially my caregivers as well. The instances when I need to be authoritative or when they (and I for them) want the luxury of simply being kids with 'normal' chores - whilst I am sedentary and dependent for toileting assistance, personal care, meal prep, and serving, etc. is not a good mix to me. In fact, it's downright uncomfortable at times. The good thing is, one is now an adult, the other is quickly approaching adulthood, and I have a home health aide that can assist also. Another good thing is, despite my struggles with 'mommy-ing' with MS, I did/have/am doing it.

As I reflect on what made me - and being - a mom with MS, I am just happy to say my J's love me and I love them. And that's what is paramount with or without MS.

#MothersDay2022