My Relationship With MS
In the past, I have been in relationships that were not good and some that were really not good. Whatever the reason, when it was time to move on, I moved on. To each, I bid them their final farewells all while conducting myself with grace, dignity, and respect.
Some situations deemed it challenging to do so, but it was important to me to show that I was a woman that would carry herself with dignity in spite of her circumstances. However, there is a very different (and not in a good way) ‘relationship’ in which I find myself involved: my relationship with MS.
A cruel and ruthless relationship
We’ve been living together for nearly seventeen years, and it is worse than any other. So very ungentlemanly, no sensitivity, compassion, or chivalry is bestowed to me. It’s always something, and I never know what or when, which oftentimes makes it difficult to make plans or to be spontaneous. My loss of independence I attribute to the domineering behavior I’m forced to endure. I can no longer drive, work, or go to many places.
A cruel and ruthless brute that has even caused me to fall too many times to count. The list goes on. And though I hate this ‘relationship’ and my future is laced with uncertainty, I can’t walk away because I am with the worst kind of stalker: one who is relentless in refusing to leave me alone and just will not get out of my life. It just stays and gets worse with time.
I can't leave it
Of course, this ‘relationship’ is actually a diagnosis. I was diagnosed with RRMS (relapse remitting multiple sclerosis) in 2007 and transitioned into SPMS (secondary progressive multiple sclerosis) about ten years later. I feel it is a dastardly disease and everything I described it as above.
It has robbed me of my fine and gross motor skills, leaving me dependent on others for activities of daily living. I medically retired at the age of 43. At this juncture, I’m sedentary and pretty much homebound. I can’t leave this ‘relationship’ – more like a ‘situation-ship’ – because as of yet, there is no cure.
Making the most of what I still have
It makes me ponder this quote from Maya Angelou: “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.”
I am a woman who, instead of succumbing to the dismay and weakness that this chronic disease can cause, I turned it into a strength. I may not have the functionality I once had, but I make the most of what I still have with poise, dignity, and grace. And I may not be able to bow out gracefully from this ‘relationship,’ but I can still carry myself with grace no matter how difficult the MS road that I must trod gets.
I just want you to know, though, MS, I'm a phenomenal lady in spite of you.
Editor’s Note: We are extremely saddened to say that on December 2nd, 2024, Dianne Scott passed away. Dianne’s advocacy efforts and writing continue to reach many. She will be deeply missed.
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