8 Hours Is Never Enough
Last updated: July 2023
Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. All I do is sleep. Eight hours is never enough.
I spend more time in the bed than I do any other place. So, why would today be any different. The sand in my hourglass clock says it’s 9 AM. I blink my eyes, and now it’s 10 AM. My mind is stretched as time collapses and I realize I’ve been struggling to get out of bed for over an hour.
My body doesn't want to get up
Head is buried in my pillow. Eyes so heavy they feel like boulders. I try to move. But my body doesn’t respond. I just want to stay in bed, dream about eating ice cream, and live among the clouds.
I can hear my neighbors exiting their homes. Starting their cars. Beginning their day while I drift in and out of reality.
My to-do list is hours behind. Converting a realistic set of goals into a growing unfulfilled catalog of aspirations.
Dreading the daily fatigue
Each night dreading to see the sun in the morning. Knowing daybreak is going to bring the weariness back. Wishing I could sleep forever. Disappointed when I wake because what remains is what I was attempting to elude. Fatigue.
Sleepwalking through random tasks
When I finally roll out of bed, the day becomes increasingly hard. I manage to sleepwalk through random tasks. Eyes wide open. Mind slowly closing. Psyche constantly crying for help while I try my best to block adverse thoughts. Small doses of melancholy hallucinations somehow ease me into mild depression. Mentally, I swallow every destructive feeling. Digesting each negative notion. Reaching for explanations for lethargic spells. Fighting myself when my consciousness uses the footprints left by old pain to produce heighten exhaustion.
Isolated from friends
The sluggishness isolates me from the world. It makes me feel so alone. My phone is on my nightstand, but who do I call? My friends can’t appreciate my limitations. Most don’t comprehend. And never will. They have healthy people problems. And I have both. So, I talk to myself so I can hear from someone who understands what I’m going through.
I don't have a 'normal'
Society keeps saying we live in a new normal. Well, I live with no normal. There is always a new normal. Nothing in my world is consistent. Every day I face change. It’s a pendulum between joy and disaster. A tricky concept to grasp. But simply said, extreme fatigue drains all of my energy. When I’m tired, I’m tired. The day can be over before it even begins. And sometimes there is no coming back.
Combatting the fatigue
Believe me, I do all I can to combat the drowsiness. No stairs or steps inside or outside my home. Daily naps increase my vitality. Pills on pills foster a clear mind and keep the pain at bay. I even drink coffee and caffeine shots to give me energy.
Never enough sleep
Yet, every morning when I open my eyes there are three things I know for sure: I will try my best to have a good day. McDonald’s ice cream machine is always broken. And eight hours of sleep is never enough.
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