lindaxlb's Status Updates

"That was when I realized everyone has their own cross to bear. Yesterday I saw the fourth neurologist in 6 years. 35 years of symptoms, years of wondering why. Now lesions, slow evoked potential, old lesions shining brightly, 3 cousins and two nieces with MS but apparently I’m too old now at age 60 to have MS. Even though I’ve seen dozens of doctors in my 35 symptom full years I am apparently too old for MS. The fact that I now am dragging my right foot and have broken two ankles and two wrists with the many falls from being off balance, it’s probably because of my back fusions. The fact that the new MRI mentions demyelination, I’m too old for MS. I’m so frustrated and overwhelmed with a feeling of hopelessness I’m just done. Each dr agreed with the next. Each a sheep following the other never daring to think outside the box or consider deviating from the norm. But it’s too much to defy their peers’ opinion. I guess I’m ok. I’m an unwell 60 year old that has nothing wrong physically except that I’m 60. We all have our own crosses to bear. Nothing I can do but forget it all and go on living. I’m done. "

"I’m not good today. I saw a man standing and watching people around a burger joint. He was clean and in his fifties. I watched him and saw his shoes were too small. He stood back and looked at the people driving through. He never bothered anyone. He just watched. That’s when I realized he was waiting for someone to throw out a half meal. I walked up to him quietly and said, “sir you look like you could use a meal.” “Yes I sure could, God bless you.” He so appreciatively smiled and headed straight to the window to order a meal with the $10 I gave him. I got back to my outdoor picnic table and realized that wasn’t enough for a meal. I returned to him and held his hand and whispered, “I’m sorry but that wasn’t enough. Please feed yourself and I hope you have enough for a couple of days,” and I handed him $20 more. His eyes were warm and lost. They looked sad and quizzical at once. I felt bad because I have so much and this is a man who has so little. How could I not try to comfort him and yet there didn’t seem to be anyone who noticed this man who quietly walked around not finding the nerve to ask for help. "