20 years

I have just recently realized its been 20 years since MS entered my life. My kids were 3 months, 2 years and 4. I’m so thankful that I was able to care for my kids and they are all in college now. I haven’t had any mobility problems but I have had a lot of cognitive issues.

I’ve related so much from others about the problems associated with this… forgetting pin number for debit card, getting lost when going somewhere I am not familiar with, don’t remember names of new people, difficult time talking in loud situations when everyone is talking. Depression, anxiety… if or when I’m talking it all comes our weird. Or it sounds like I got peanut butter in my mouth (maybe that’s dry mouth from anxiety) but I have it often that people will ask… “what did you say?”

I really like routine and almost have a panic attack when leaving home for extended amounts of time. I know that most Relapsing Remitting (if that is what I have) turns into Primary Progressive.

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  • LuvMyDog
    12 months ago

    I am someone who was described as “gifted” at a very young age. I had a very high IQ at the age of 13. There wasn’t a name or number or address or anything for that matter that I couldn’t call to mind in a second or two. My replies to questions were like lightening. I could talk to anyone, about anything. Fast forward to present time and after 36 years of MS, my memory is like trying to look through a heavy fog a good deal of the time. The word that I need to use in a conversation fails to come up from my throat and out of my mouth. I forget simple things, things I should not forget in a matter of a minute or two…like….I started to run a bath and nearly 20 minutes later while sitting in front of my computer checking my emails, it dawned on me. I jump up and run through the house to the bathroom just in time to shut the water off before it goes over the top and on to the floor. Or, I put the tea kettle on the stove and a half hour later or so, I smell the faint odor of my kettle starting to burn. I have found that now and then while traveling on a highway, a route I’ve traveled for decades now, I forget where I’m going, which direction to take. I somehow, thankfully, shake myself out of that fog and head in the right direction. I don’t like going to places that I’ve never been to anymore because I get lost a lot more easily. I have become a very depressed and miserable person, very unhappy and have little to no interest in doing anything I should be doing, like cleaning my house and keeping everything neat and clean the way it always was. But I’m not the way I always was. I was a very different person before MS. MS is like an alien invader…sounds stupid I know and I’m not a fan of science fiction, but that’s how it seems. It snuck in uninvited and has taken over my life, silently and without much fanfare. People who do not live with MS have no idea what it’s like and absolutely have no right to think they do. NO…you DON’T have something like that, NO…you DON’T know exactly how I feel, NO…I’m NOT being a baby or lazy or nasty or rude or unsociable!! I have a disease that I can only wish you would have to deal with for at least a year or two of your life and know how it feels!! But, it’s like anything else…you never had a broken leg or compression fractures in your back, you have no idea what that’s like…..but I wish you did.

  • DonnaFA moderator
    12 months ago

    Hi 1nc1f3h! Thanks so much for being part of the community and sharing your thoughts and experiences. You’re not alone! -Warmly, Donna (MultipleSclerosis.net team)

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