Alone in the Dark

As I type that tittle tears come to my eyes. I was dx back in 2006. I’d experienced minor symptoms for years, but with only 15 mins in the Dr’s office it’s hard to explain all of the tiny things that can make up MS.

When it hit, she came with a vengeance stripped me of my cognitive skills, forced me onto disability after a solid year of no income. I had to take in borders to try and survive. All that while the pain was so intense there were times crawling was far more than I could ever take. I was all alone. My mother on the other side of town unable to drive. My oldest daughter in another state for college. My youngest…. was a teenager.

Present day. I’m all alone. I never sleep… until I do then I can’t wake up. Oldest daughter moved away. Youngest far to busy to come see me offer help. As for my mother lol she moved in with me and is in complete denial. She does not acknowledge the fact that I am ill. That I am tired, and weak. That I get confused if you try to tell me too many things at once, or ask questions I can’t wrap my mind around.

I’m alone. I want to get involved. I want to go to the gym that silver sneakers was offering for free. ( insurance) the insurance took it away lol of course. I day dream about getting up and doing laundry. When I do i’m so tired and in so much pain……

This is my life. This is no lifef.

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