Constantly Crying

I am 54, I am married 2 grown boys & one Grandson & my little fur baby Leo I have had MS for 21 years and am in the progressive stages I am in a wheelchair full time & have caregivers everyday, and am not dealing with it well at all!!! I am mad & sad all the time, I wand my old self back…

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Comments

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  • samoen author
    2 years ago

    Thank you so much for all of the kind words, I certainly don’t feel so alone anymore and know that I must be grateful for fellow MSer’s that reach out to help one another. My love goes out to each of you also in your time of need xo

  • LuvMyDog
    2 years ago

    It’s hard to comment on another person’s feelings. How can “we” feel what another person feels? We’d like to think we can but in fact, we are all different, we all respond to our illness and the world around us in our own way. To be crying all the time seems like such a lost and lonely way to exist. We are all “cursed” with this disease for whatever reason and the only way to keep on living is to seek some understanding as to why and how, be thankful for whatever we have in this life that has any goodness at all, keep what’s left of our minds occupied on something other than what makes our lives miserable. I have had MS for 35 years now and my life has changed so much over those years. Age itself changes us in various ways but if it were only getting old(er), I could deal with that. But, add in the constant fatigue, the constant pain, eye problems, bladder problems, muscle weakness, lack of coordination, memory loss, speech problems, and all else …………..IT’S MADDENING TO SAY THE LEAST!!! I don’t cry over MS, what’s the use. I do cry sometimes over the family and friends I’ve lost to illnesses, friends I knew for more than half my life, family members, for a lot longer, but they’re gone now and I miss them, but again, what’s the use. I don’t have any help. I have to do everything for myself. Some days, it’s incredibly hard, it’s depressing and most days, I’m mad at the world. I am no longer what anyone could describe as a happy person. Everyone has their own agenda. I find the majority of people I’ve met in life to be disloyal, dishonest and disrespectful, and that includes people I’m related to. My mother used to say, “you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your relatives.” The only thing in my life that has always kept me (somewhat) sane, my dog. Dogs are highly intelligent, they gives us unconditional love, they are compassionate and loyal, they give so much and expect so little in return. My dog gives me a reason to get up in the morning, she gives me a purpose to keep trying to exist in this lousy,overpopulated, crime filled world that seems to get worse and worse as time goes on. We HAVE TO deal with what life has given us or …………… merely stop, give up and that will be that. We HAVE TO decided if LIFE is still important enough to keep trying. I am not a religious person, I no longer believe in anything because I’ve experienced so much loss and grief, but I would say to you….be thankful that you’re not alone. You have people to help you, people who care about you. I can’t begin to “feel” what you feel, we are two very different people, but I understand what you say about….”mad and sad all the time” and you want your old self back. I was athletic, strong, confident, able to work, earn a pretty good living, and then………………MS started taking a lot away from me and brought me to where I am today. I sure would like my old self back too. But………

  • samoen author
    2 years ago

    Thank you so much for your response, it made me feel a lot more thankful for what I have to keep fighting for. It’s caring people such as yourself that make a huge difference. I to have lost my faith, as I have prayed so much for just a little bit of relief, but get no answers…….. I shall keep your encouraging words close at had so I can keep reading I for good advice. Thank you so much once again for reaching out to help another MSer………

  • Mike Burns
    2 years ago

    Christina,

    So sorry to hear about this. I’m a 55 year old father of four everything seems to make me cry these days. I have a loving wife and kids and I’m very blessed. However, some days that’s not enough. Seek help if you can and KNIW that your not alone.

  • Christina Hegarty PT, DPT moderator
    2 years ago

    Thank you so much for sharing with us, samoen. As norwigian55 said, you are certainly not alone! Please know that we and the community are here for you ANYtime for ANYthing. We’re glad you’re a part of our community!
    Warmly,
    Christina, MultipleSclerosis.net Team

  • LuvMyDog
    2 years ago

    ChristinaH: Nice sentiments….”we and the community are here for you ANYtime for ANYthing…” But in reality, just words. I had to go outside yesterday and today, a total of 9 hours of shoveling and snow blowing snow that we were hit with. I had to change my clothes 4 times today because they were soak and wet from blowing snow, I was cold and miserable but had to clear my driveway, my sidewalk and walkway and that of my 95 year old neighbor’s…… or……a fine would be levied by the city. Nobody cared if I am an older person with MS, a heart problem, arthritis, chronic pain and fatigue, certainly not you and “the community”.

  • norwegian55
    2 years ago

    Hi, Samoen I’m going to be 62 next month and I’m now in secondary progressive mode. I also miss my old self and the fun things that I use to be able to do with no problem. I’m not in a chair and the only caregiver is my husband Al. I get mad and sad and I grieve for the things that I have lost. I grieve mostly for my oldest son Matt who was DX 2010. He has RRMS and is still getting over his last stint in the hospital. This last time really took a lot outta him and I can hear it in his voice when he calls me. We live 7 hours away by car, so we have face time on skype and we text and call. I’m a good listener and would love to hear from you if you would want to vent, scream or yell. Remember you are not alone and to always take care of you.

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