Do It Scared

Five amazing days in Estes Park, Colorado, surrounded by 26 beautiful human beings who poured their energy into me, have left my cup overflowing. A couple of years ago, while we were at a Walk MS event, my son discovered a program called First Descents. He brought me the information and said, “Mom, you should really do this.” As I read about the program, my heart leapt at the thought of possibly being accepted—an opportunity where young adults with MS are gifted a life adventure.

I got in!

Fast forward to several months ago: after applying, I received a “Congratulations” email letting me know my application was approved and a spot was secured for me to travel to Estes Park, CO, to go rock climbing. I was instantly overwhelmed with gratitude and joy—but also fear. “What did I just sign myself up for? I’m TERRIFIED of heights!” Still, something inside kept pushing me to move forward instead of letting fear and self-doubt hold me back like they had so many times before. As the trip drew closer, my worries grew louder. What if my body isn’t capable of this? What if the travel puts me into a flare? What if I show up to a group of strangers and nobody likes me? What if… what if… what if…

But I kept planning, praying, and preparing

The day finally arrived, and I was dropped off at the lodge, feeling every emotion possible—with fear leading the way. I really questioned whether or not I had made a terrible mistake. That first night, after dinner, we gathered around a campfire to prepare for the days ahead. We introduced ourselves, and our leaders reminded us that it really was going to be okay. And then…the magic began. Each morning started with grounding exercises, followed by the most nourishing meals, and then days filled with pushing our bodies and minds further than we thought possible. Every single day brought new challenges, new fears, but also deeper connections and the most beautiful encouragement I’ve ever experienced.

The proudest moments

I climbed and cried at the top of a rock wall after my body tried so hard to fail me. But the love from my guides and teammates pushed me forward. When fear left me literally shaking, I was met with patience, overwhelming love, steady guidance, and even a kick-butt singing session as I rappelled off what felt like the top of Mt. Everest.
On my last day, I finally found a rhythm, syncing my body to move as a whole—and climbed again. When I had every excuse not to do the final climb and rappel, my people rallied around me, getting me back up for one last adventure.
When I doubted my ability, others—who never saw me as less than or broken—told me to try. When I got too in my head, the words “Do it scared” pushed me along. When emotions overflowed, no one told me to “dry my tears.” Instead, I was given a safe space to feel and to heal.

Do it scared

Life with MS is uncertain, complicated, and messy. For a while, I had forgotten how beautiful it could be, too. My new words of wisdom, gifted by a forever friend, will be cherished always and lived out daily. And I know you all can live them out too. No matter how big or small the mountain in your life may be, no matter how afraid you are to take that next step you know in your heart is needed—I encourage you: do it scared. Not every day will be a “splitter” day, but we can take that scary step off the ledge, breathe deep, and do some big-time chillin’ while we make our way back down to solid ground. To my fellow warriors I met on this incredible journey—I will hold you in my heart forever.

With love,
Flash