I Don't Want Baby Hands

Last updated: October 2022

One of the many adorable things that my daughter did as an infant was to keep her pudgy little hands balled in tight little fists. I remember having to pry them open during bath time. I also remember putting my finger in her hand and feeling her little fingers tightened around mine. I thought it so incredibly cute and endearing. As she got older, her hands stayed open more and more until that particular baby feature was no more.

Thirteen years later, my ‘now’ perception of tightly curled hands - which I refer to as ‘baby hands’ - is that I don't see them as adorable, endearing or cute. Prying ‘baby hands ’ open now is to hold on to something, pick something up, exercise and stretch the hand or to relieve the achiness created from being closed so tightly. ‘Baby hands’ to me now signifies progression.. Multiple sclerosis progression.

I recall several years ago when I first noticed some intermittent issues with the dexterity in my hands, specifically, the left. Over time, there was a marked difference. A test to rule out Carpal Tunnel was conducted first and found negative.. Then an MRI of the spine - and the ‘big P’ was discovered. Progression. And my hands were affected.

Try picking up something with a closed fist. Try to get dressed by manually opening your hand to pull on an article of clothing with a closed fist. Try to write with little to no dexterity. Can you see my concern with having ‘baby hands’? I don’t want them.

Putting the bright side away for a moment, let me say this:

Ugh! Really?! Now what am I supposed to do with hardly no hands?! MS makes me SO incredibly sick! Always reminding me that it's ’here’, taking my independence, causing me pain..Stop progressing! I hate MS!

Rant over.

Bringing the bright side back, I'll say this: Considering so much suffering in the world, things could be so much worse. Count your blessings.

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