Taking It One Day at a Time

I don’t think about it as often as I used to. Or maybe I think about it just as much, but I have spent a long long long time just ignoring my symptoms, then trying to ignore my diagnosis – that it’s just easier not to think about the impact of those two letters. I was officially diagnosed in 2016 March, during my 4th year of medical school. It was a culmination of symptoms getting progressively worse over 2 years that finally led to an ophthalmologist of all people asking me if I’d ever gotten XYZ symptoms… of which I could only say yes and here I am.

My dirty secret

Unfortunately the outcome of my diagnosis was years of anguish and anger on my partner’s side as he cycled through his grief, and shame/loneliness on mine as I tried to support him through his grief. I’ve only recently broken the news to my own family after keeping my diagnosis hidden like a dirty secret for 2 some years.

The emotional toll

For me I could accept the diagnosis and the symptoms and the affect it’s had on my ability to go about daily life, but I didn’t anticipate the huge emotional toll it had on me and the the others around me. That’s something that I don’t really read too much about.

The times, the times, the times

I try to be optimistic about the future and take it one day at a time. I have stopped saying to myself, “The times when you could do this and that… when you were strong and not riddled with anxiety… the times, the times, the times…” Rather now I say to myself that those times never ended I can find them again.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The MultipleSclerosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (3)
  • shellrb
    3 weeks ago

    Thanks for your story…i found i had MS in November 2015..it has been hard on me because i was very active..and my family has had a hard time because they see my steady decline…but they help me and i am very thankful!

  • Carol
    3 weeks ago

    shellrb,

    It’s hard for yourself and your family to see your decline after a life of being so active. I am glad that you have a positive attitude.

  • Erin Rush moderator
    4 weeks ago

    Hi Fawsiya! Thank you for taking the time to share a part of your story with our community. I am sorry your partner was so rattled by your diagnosis. I hope you have a good support system to help you on this journey. While everyone has the right to share their diagnosis (or not share) as they please, I hope you no longer feel any shame about your diagnosis. You did nothing to cause MS. It is not your fault that you have it. And anyone who judges you based on your MS is probably not someone worth keeping in your life.

    You shared so many points that I know our community members can really understand — the fear and loneliness, the emotional toll of MS, etc.

    I am glad you work to see the bright side of your memories, even when it is a challenge. It can be hard to not think about the things you can no longer do, but I think it’s great that you work to think positively, even in the midst of your sadness.

    Your words reminded me of quite a few posts by other community members and contributors. Here is one piece about trying to stay positive in the midst of challenges that I thought you might find relatable — https://multiplesclerosis.net/stories/the-person-i-once-was/.

    Thank you again for sharing and please know you are not alone!

    Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.

  • Poll