Fruition

The conception of a child is not only the promise of growing a physical person but also a soul. During pregnancy, hormones may induce symptoms like nausea, fatigue, and cravings. I experienced vivid dreams, also known as conception dreams. A superstitious person may believe these dreams foretell something about the child's future.

My dream was so vivid

I gave it my best effort to sit upright in bed with my protruding belly in front of me. It was late morning, and I could hear the church bells chiming across the street. We slept on a mattress directly on the living room floor of the apartment between the pink futon and the TV. I recounted the apocalyptic dream that startled me awake. It was me and my baby against the world. I was 23 and more confident about motherhood than most women. I never had a health issue in my entire life and I believed I could endure anything. I daydreamed about being the kind of mom that runs and jumps alongside my child. Surely I was more physically capable than most parents, and I had no doubts about being that kind of mother.

When I first noticed my MS

There were no complications during pregnancy, and my son's natural birth can only be described as a magical meditation. Then, just before he turned 6 months, the attacks began. The first sensation was a tickle that filled my body like a cup of water. It started in my head and ran to my toes like an intruder breaking in and touching every nerve. That same day I began having a severe spasm on my entire right side that quickly grew into over a hundred attacks a day. From out of nowhere, my body was hijacked and attacked intensely about every 6 minutes. I couldn't care for myself, let alone my infant son. I was no longer the physically capable mother I dreamed of being.

MS taught me about soul

The spasms dissipated slowly over 6 months. Before my diagnosis, I thought what made a person a person WAS their body and mind, and when someone loses that, they lose their identity too. MS humbled me down to my core and taught me about the soul. A person is more than their physical self. Maybe I'm not the mother I thought I would be for my son, but I know I'm the mother he needs, and that realization is my proudest accomplishment.