Is This Grief, Denial, or Both?

"I have MS." I hear that from doctors, family, and friends. Somehow it is still hard to admit. No matter how many medications I take or MRIs I see, I push the facts down. It's unclear to me if I am grieving, in denial, or both. The MS only becomes real once a month when I give myself my DMT, once a year when I complete a MRI, and every six months when I visit the neurologist. I don't know if these feelings ever go away or if I will eventually accept them as part of my new life. All I am certain of; MS is hard. Really hard. Thank you for all of the people who continue to love and support me, despite my cynical and pessimistic outlooks.