I Forget

I forget about the pains and aches that accompany my RRMS despite the monthly injections I receive and quarterly blood draws.
I forget that I don’t have the energy and strength I once did.
I forget I have a healthy, able-bodied husband to assist with many things.
I forget about my numerous trips to the emergency department but remember apologizing to the nursing staff for not having shaved my legs (humor gets me through!).
I forget the names of the 5 previous DMTs that inevitably sent me to the ER.
I do remember the steroid shot I received to counteract the DMT that failed me, as the shot left an indent in my arm (I named it Harvey Dent…see, humor!).
I forget the 8-hour stays in the ER when doctors told me the importance of “taking it easy.”
“In this economy?” I replied… every time.
There is no taking it easy for a 31-year-old who has a toddler, a part-time job, and is a part-time student at University.
I do not take it easy. I never have. I unfortunately think it’s catching up to me.
I can walk and talk just fine (most days) and see that as the ability to PASS GO, and continue moving forward.
Even if I collapse at the end of the day. Even if I complain about all the laundry, dishes, cleaning, and shopping for the household that I do.
So tell me, when can I take it easy? I’ve lived as a strong, independent person (due in part to the memory of my deceased father) for 10 years now, and there’s no turning back for me.
Despite the diagnosis of RRMS 6 years ago, I’m not sure why I cannot accept that I’m not full of the same strength I once was.
I continue to empty my once-full cup.
My spoons are gone.

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