Is it just me?

I was diagnosed in 1983. I’d had symptoms for about 6 yrs before that. So I’ve now lived more than half my life with ms. I’ve learnt a lot. I keep myself well (as much as possible ) pace myself etc etc. over the last few years I have had periods of stress caused mostly by worry over serious illness in loved ones and the added load of caring for them.


Each time the dreaded optic neuritis has reared it’s ugly head. We’re old friends. My GP suggested I visit an eye specialist after the last episode just as a check. I did but I wish I hadn’t.

First question I was asked was why was I there. That’s standard. Then it became why do you think you had optic neuritis? Is the ms a confirmed diagnosis? How was it confirmed? And so on for over ten minutes. I know that the referral had my history even though it was an abridged version. I sat there thinking “why am I justifying myself to this person? I have ms. I have accepted it. I’m here to check that the last episodes have not caused extra damage.Yet I was being treated as though I was some hypochondriac wishing I had ms.” I came away feeling stressed and resentful. I felt crushed. It did however make me realize how fragile that positive outlook can become and how small a thing it takes to destroy it. Especially when I’m in a weakened state. Has anyone else had this reaction?

I’m usually so positive that I’m not liking writing this and I’m surprised how much the experience had upset me.

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