It's A Funny Life

It’s been two years and I’m still wondering where it all went wrong. I remember having bad headaches and thought “Oh, it must be the weather!” I remember losing focus on my eyes and thought “Oh, time for new glasses!” I remember feeling tight in my stomach like somebody was hugging and thought “Oh, I ate too much!” I remember feeling things flying by my eyes like I’m driving at 180 km/h when I’m standing still and finally said – weird, I should get it checked. Little did I know that one hospital trip would change my life forever.

I didn't feel like there was a reason to worry

I remember my days in the hospital. The first week was basically me trying to listen to what the ophthalmologists were discussing. I understand nothing. I then spent most of my time drawing as I believed there was nothing I need to worry about or else the doctors would have already talked to me. I tried writing poems, I tried doodling, I basically tried everything. I was that bored and calm.

Everything changed when the neurological team took over. Tests after tests. Scans after scans. Drips after drips. I no longer drew at this point. I was scared. My mind was everywhere. The only thing that kept me sane was having my friends come and laugh in the ward.

I researched to try and understand what MS was

I did some reading on what MS is at night and asked questions when the doctor came in the morning. I can feel my heart sinking with every explanation. This lasted for a few weeks and I finally got discharged.

The first three months after getting diagnosed were hell. Thinking about the medication cost, my work, and my future certainly did not help. I’m just a 25-year-old girl. And the episode of nonstop crying, self-hating, and self-blaming started. Suicide? Yeah, I had that thought. I remember the night I was listening to 'Wake Me Up When September Ends' by Greenday and there’s something in my mind telling me to start drawing. Since that day I forced myself to draw every single day to keep myself busy. And it’s been my remedy till this day.

Returning to my hometown was probably the best and the worst thing that I’ve done.

I feel like it’s holding me back from the future I once planned. But at the same time, I’m happy thinking that if something were to happen, my loved ones will be there for me. It’s not easy to explain what MS is to people around me when I’m still figuring out what’s going on with my body but it’s worth the hassle.
I am now having my Interferon injections three times a week, fully funded by the hospital. I am now a businesswoman, owning a graphic design studio. I am now a proud MS patient that help other patients around my age to share their issues in a support group.

I guess what I’m trying to say to say is, if I can rewind to the moment I got diagnosed, I’ll tell myself yes, life will not be the same as before but don’t let it hold you back. Do not give up. Your life would not be limited because of your condition. You just need to put your mind on it and work it out.