Losing Pieces of Me

MS has affected my cognitive abilities. I hate it. I used to be really smart, but not so much anymore. I can’t even follow easy instructions.

Losing pieces of me

Simple things have become hard to accomplish. Wondering how something works bothers me. My short term memory is terrible. I am very depressed and at times, suicidal. Pot is the only thing that makes me feel halfway OK.

Each day, pieces of whatever makes me me, falls away. I’m tired of denying myself because tomorrow I might not be able to do it. I won’t even talk about sex.

My mother and my grandfather check in on me. They are dead, but I can feel their presence. I’m probably crazy. That wouldn’t surprise me though. There are so many more things that I could mention like balance and mobility. But hey, I can still walk; just not too good. Embarrassingly, I have three canes and a walker.

I can't, I can't, I can't

I can’t get words out at times. I can’t answer questions quickly. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. I was diagnosed 7 years ago. From the size of my lesions, I probably contracted MS when I was 38 or 39. I’m 64 now and l lead a difficult life. My family loves me. My wife does so much for me and I’m not always nice. I need to be but my emotions are all over the place. My work was my life but it is gone, too, and has been for years. I would like to work again. But I know that I couldn’t. Things I used to be obsessive about, I am now obsessive-compulsive. I’m tired of writing. Am I alone?

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