Mommy, You won’t hurt in heaven, will you?

I am 22-year old single mom of an energetic 5-year old boy and I was diagnosed with MS in may 2013. The words Multiple Sclerosis didn’t process for a few weeks I just kept thinking, ‘yah right!’ But after researching symptoms I realized I’d had this for many years.

After a bad car accident at 19 I started feeling a shocking sensation going down my spine when I touched my chin to my neck. Now being 22 I find my symptoms have worsened since 19. I get migraines in the back of my head. And when these happen I normally vomit from pain and my left eye will start to fog for at least ten minutes. Sometimes I get fatigue so bad in the morning it feels like bricks weighing my head down its this overwhelming feeling that I want to do a million and one things but I can’t stay off my bed. I also sometimes get shooting pains in my legs. On my good days I find that I’m off balance (tippy) I’m basically a walking accident. My family use to love this about me but knowing now I have MS they don’t call me “Grace” anymore!

I’ve been struggling with my medicaid insurance since I’ve been diagnosed, so I’ve yet to receive treatments. Medicaid cancelled me the second I was diagnosed, why I don’t know considering I’m more than eligible. But here I sit everyday passing wishing someone could reach out and help me. I feel like I’m putting my family through hell with no medication and my stress levels, but I refuse to let MS consume me, I refuse for my son who deserves a healthy mom. Next time he asks me “mommy you won’t hurt in heaven will you” I hope I can smile instead of cry.

It may take time but I will come to terms with this.

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