MS Warrior Or Am I?

Howdy y’all!

To be honest, I don’t know where I fit in these conversations anymore. Let me tell ya what happened.

How it all began

Back in 2009, using two canes, I drug myself into the Social Security Office. I knew something was wrong because I had no feeling or control of my body from the waist down. After their doctor examined me, they agreed. Permanent nerve damage to my back. I was ordered to start seeing certain doctors like a gp and a neurologist.

Their tests found several problems including possible RRMS. After that, any doctor they referred me to refused to give me the time of day because they didn’t treat “my kind”.

Ignored for 10 years

The back problem wasn’t related to the MS so it was totally ignored until just over 10 years ago. They treated my uncontrollable high blood pressure and high cholesterol problem which took until 9 years ago to get them under control.

The answer was there all along

My MS — one neurologist after another ran tests over and over but not one would give a definite diagnosis. Until just over 10 years ago. I met one who looked at the original tests ran in 2009 and got angry because the answer was there! I could have been under treatment all those years. Instead I was fighting it on my own as I had all my teenage years.

Tragedy

Everything was good - I was in remission, everything else appeared perfect, until about eight years ago. I was struck down with a major heart attack requiring a triple by pass and a pacemaker/defibrillator. I spent three weeks in a medically induced coma during which I had numerous nightmares. When they woke me up, I remembered nothing - and I do mean nothing.

If not for my caregiver, who rarely left my room, I wouldn’t know my name, age, or anything. I didn’t even know which hand I wrote with. I remember believing I lived during the Civil War era and had to get home to protect my children from being stolen by the red coats.But I couldn’t even talk!

My MS stayed in remission during this time. Even though I was hit with the loss of blood - 4 pints to be exactly, which just proved I was anemic. Then was hit with stage three kidney failure. I caught everything at once. Thanking the powers that be, the MS was in remission.

Things were looking up

Finally, I got the all clear from the last of those. They were all back under control, I was slowly regaining my memory, reteaching myself the computer. I never regained memory of people but if they started talking like they knew me, I pretended to remember then asked my caregiver their name later, lol.

The cold that started the flare-up

Fate has a way of getting us all one day. My day came when someone, my caregiver’s son or his daughter, brought in a cold which I caught! My MS changed from then on. It burst out of remission and never went back! Anything - any weak area - is a target.

Right now everything is acting up at the same time plus extreme allergies. And each doctor says the same thing. “I’m not sure what’s going on or if it’s an MS flare.

Losing faith

The kicker is with the pacemaker, I can’t have MRIs done to see what’s going on. All they can do is watch and see.

I am so tired and don’t know if I am still fighting or not. Or if I am still able to be the warrior I promised myself I would always be.

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