My Life With MS

I have been recently diagnosed with MS. It all started in April when I started to suffer from double vision. It took me 2 weeks until I went to the doctor to have an eye test. The doctor said that I had weakness in the muscles of my eyes. However, I did ignore the whole thing, and the double vision soon went away. 15th of April, I headed to Essex for the last term to sit for my exams. During the term, I spent most of it studying and getting little sleep. I was tired most of the time but blamed it on the lack of sleep. 6th of June, I was back in Amman, and everything was pretty normal the first day.

I started noticing things but still brushed it off...until I couldn't

The next day I was invited to a party. I did notice that most things were blurred when I looked at and some were double, didn’t pay much attention to the whole thing not that I improved, but I just thought that all I need is sleep. On the 10th of June, I found it a bit difficult to walk in a straight manner, and on this very day my left leg was so weak that I couldn’t move it normally. Things stayed the same and all I heard from my Mom and Dad are you should get more sleep or this is malnutrition. When my father saw me the way I used to walk he used to have a go at me. Maybe because all the symptoms I suffered from were Brain Tumor symptoms, and he was scared and in denial.

Finally a neurologist told me it was MS

However, around the 20th of June, Baba took me for a C-T Scan, and thank GOD everything was normal, it wasn’t what my dad and I thought, brain tumor. On the day of my birthday, I went again to a different doctor to check my eyes and again he said that there was nothing wrong but advised us to go see a neurologist. I did go, and he told me that there was definitely something wrong after examining me but couldn’t tell what it was until I went for an MRI. We did tell him that the C-T Scan showed no sign of a tumor, so it's not that, and he answered “I hope not.” I think this was the most depressing moment of my life when I didn’t know what to expect. The unknown is always scary. However, I did go to the hospital and after the MRI it was obvious that I was a definite case of MS.

I was in a state of shock

I just couldn’t believe that I had a disease that I had to live with for the rest of my life. Things were a bit not understandable for me. I remained silent, hurt from the inside and this is so painful when you cannot cry, you are crying but your tears are inside, you’re bruised but a bruise that no one can see but you. Time passed, I went to Tel-Aviv for a second opinion, and this trip was the longest trip of my life although it took a day. I was living on the hope that when I go there they’ll tell me that what they told me in Amman was bullshit but unfortunately this didn’t happen.

What I have learned so far

Afterwards I started the treatment taking an injection once a week and after a month I started taking a different kind of injection which is three times a week. After this experience which is still not over and it might not be over ever, I did learn so many things. You start appreciating life more and you know who are the people who really do love you. I realized that the people who do love me are so few that I can count them using one hand. Some people were so supportive and some said things that did make me feel so much worse, not that I care but sometimes I wonder how much I was cheated by thinking that such people were close to me. To sum up everything that happened, I was taught so much from this experience. I know that I do suffer from a disease that had I not found out about it I could’ve been in a wheel chair or disabled in some other way. I do face the fact that there are certain things that I used to do in the past but cannot do now. I did realize that I am the one who has MS and I must live with it, no one knows how much I suffer in all sorts of ways from this disease except myself so I must make myself get used to the different way of life I lead now. In a way I do try to forget everything but it does frequently all come back to me and I feel I just cannot cope with this life long disease. I do have faith in GOD and in sha’a ALLAH one day they will find a cure, one-day.

By providing your email address, you are agreeing to our privacy policy.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.